Fundamental Beliefs Back Down To 27 Due To Budget Cuts

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist leaders have decided to condense the steadily-growing number of denominational fundamental beliefs to 27 in response to a push to slash budgets.

“We realize we could have said what we believe more succinctly,” admitted General Conference Director of Tree Felling, Guy Printalot.

“The fundamental beliefs are costing more and more to disseminate and there are always Scrooges that point out John 3:16 sums up the essentials of what people need to know,” said Printalot.

“Also, we’ve had all these old 27 fundamental beliefs books sitting in the GC basement unused. It’s time we showed them some love.”


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One comment

  1. Richard Mills

    I say, some creative editor could reduce the beliefs down to a large paragraph. Saves paper, ink, additional employees, office space, labor issues, medical insurance, tax incentives. Its time to Make Adventism Great Again–MAGA

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