Following Megyn Kelly diss, General Conference names Trump Women’s Ministries Advisor

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Citing the need for strong male leadership in women’s ministries, General Conference leadership has looked to bring in some outside expertise in the form of outspoken real Read more […]

Adventists forbidden from watching remainder of World Cup

“Brazil’s soccer World Cup has become the most divisive issue to hit the world church since drums,” said an urgent General Conference directive sent to pastors around the world.¬† “Any further Read more […]

Coffee maker scandal rocks General Conference building

SILVER SPRING, Md. — One of the biggest scandals in recent Adventist history erupted this morning when a coffee maker was discovered on the third floor of the General Conference building. The Read more […]

Post Record Keeper shut down, GC declares PowerPoint sole acceptable form of creative expression

Following the recent announcement that the General Conference was scrapping the much-anticipated release of the web series¬†The Record Keeper, a set of guidelines for acceptable creative expression Read more […]

Revelation beast illustrations are not scary enough, says General Conference

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Illustrators at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists have reportedly been taking a lot of heat over complaints that the renderings of the beasts of Revelation Read more […]

New General Conference guidelines being drafted to eliminate nasty potluck dishes

SILVER SPRING, Md. — There has been a growing realization on the part of many church officials at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists that the quality of potlucks in many Adventist Read more […]