Member Rejecting Cheap Grace Not So Hot on Actual Grace Either

Jeff Larson has revealed that his disdain for “cheap grace” extends far beyond its superficial ease. According to sources close to the piously particular parishioner, Larson isn’t particularly Read more […]

Local Adventist Congratulates Himself on Not Coveting His Neighbor’s Ox

While exhibiting numerous other spiritual shortcomings on a daily basis, local Adventist Blake Hemsley reportedly patted himself on the back this week for successfully not coveting his neighbor Read more […]

Local Legalist Pretty Sure He Can Stop Sinning by Labor Day

Brother Jebediah “Jeb”ediah Finch, a pillar of the Tightly-Laced Tabernacle Seventh-day Adventist Church, is feeling optimistic. No, not about the price of avocados (although, that is rough). Jeb Read more […]

Old Testament Literalist Pumped About Bringing Back Stoning

A self-professed Bible scholar and occasional Wilderness SDA usher known locally as “Rock-Hurling Randy” is convinced that society has gone astray from its righteous roots and is determined Read more […]

Last Generation Theologian Frustrated He’s Only 99% Perfect

BUTTONED UP, Tenn. — Last Generation theologian, Solo Opera, took a break from his prophetic timeline charts this afternoon, to take a 30-minute standardized holiness test. Opera was hugely Read more […]

Portland Adventist Against Works-Based Theology / Work In General

PORTLAND, Ore. – Area Adventist Hans Ärlat has made it his life’s purpose to fight the legalists that dare disturb his comfortable status as infallible armchair theologian. Ärlat lectures Read more […]