MyWay Press Introduces 10X King James Version With Less Inclusive Language

Hallelujah, church! Are you tired of that newfangled “everyone is welcome” mumbo jumbo? Does the concept of “loving thy neighbor” feel…incomplete somehow? Well, fret no more, because MyWay Press Read more […]

Legalistic Sunblock Protects Users From New Light

WORLDWIDE — To minimize the chances of people experiencing spiritual growth of any kind, Remnant Complex Industries has just launched a legalistic sunblock that protects users from receiving Read more […]

Heaven Creates Subdivision For Adventists

HEAVEN – Construction angels have been working overtime lately as an ultra-exclusive gated community in heaven takes shape. The subdivision will only house Adventists and is being built so Read more […]

Spirit-led Adventist late to church after taking wrong exit

INLAND EMPIRE, Calif. — A devout Adventist well known for claiming to be “100% Spirit-led” sheepishly sank into a back pew last Sabbath after getting hopelessly lost on the way to church. Dubbel Read more […]

Newly baptized Adventist told she can now stop thinking

Fresh from the waters of baptism and — before that — significant soul searching and Bible study, Bethany Olson has been told by her new Adventist brothers and sisters that she can stop thinking. Read more […]

Slide Show: Things Adventists secretly hope to do before Jesus comes again

Adventists believe in the imminent return of Jesus. If you grew up Adventist, you believed Jesus could come at any moment, but like, it was REALLY SOON. Yeah, heaven is going to blow your mind with its beyond-your-comprehension-awesomeness — you can’t wait to wrestle with lions and/or have your own pet panda — but at some point, we bet these secret yearnings crossed your mind.