Wednesday, December 11, 2024

Remnant Complex

MyWay Press Introduces 10X King James Version With Less Inclusive Language

Hallelujah, church! Are you tired of that newfangled "everyone is welcome" mumbo jumbo? Does the concept of "loving thy neighbor" feel...incomplete somehow? Well, fret no more, because MyWay Press...

Signs Someone Suffers From Remnant Complex

  Someone suffering from Remnant Complex behaves/thinks in really distinctive ways. Here are a few: They’ve Got it all Figured Out  As in, they know the 28...

Legalistic Sunblock Protects Users From New Light

WORLDWIDE --- To minimize the chances of people experiencing spiritual growth of any kind, Remnant Complex Industries has just launched a legalistic sunblock that...

Heaven Creates Subdivision For Adventists

HEAVEN - Construction angels have been working overtime lately as an ultra-exclusive gated community in heaven takes shape. The subdivision will only house Adventists and...

Spirit-led Adventist late to church after taking wrong exit

INLAND EMPIRE, Calif. --- A devout Adventist well known for claiming to be "100% Spirit-led" sheepishly sank into a back pew last Sabbath after...

Adventist diagnosed with arrogant remnant complex

WALLA WALLA, Wash. --- Fifth-generation Adventist Seiflee Abborhd was rushed to the emergency room of Providence St. Mary Medical Center this morning, suffering from...

Adventists trace roots directly to famous Pharisee

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The results of a historical study into the pre-Reformation roots of the Adventist Church have led to a man of...

Adventist rushed to hospital with plank in eye

LOMA LINDA, Calif. --- An Adventist man with a large plank lodged in his eye was rushed to Loma Linda University Medical Center this...

Newly baptized Adventist told she can now stop thinking

Fresh from the waters of baptism and --- before that --- significant soul searching and Bible study, Bethany Olson has been told by her...

Slide Show: Things Adventists secretly hope to do before Jesus comes again

Adventists believe in the imminent return of Jesus. If you grew up Adventist, you believed Jesus could come at any moment, but like, it was REALLY SOON. Yeah, heaven is going to blow your mind with its beyond-your-comprehension-awesomeness --- you can’t wait to wrestle with lions and/or have your own pet panda --- but at some point, we bet these secret yearnings crossed your mind.

Developer selling plots to Adventist subdivision in heaven

HOLLAND, Mich. --- Adventist luxury home developer, Chuck Todson of Todson Heavenly Homes, has started selling down payments for 7-room mansions in what he...