Legalistic Sunblock Protects Users From New Light

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WORLDWIDE — To minimize the chances of people experiencing spiritual growth of any kind, Remnant Complex Industries has just launched a legalistic sunblock that protects users from receiving new light.

Just a light application of Blinkered Block before you are forced by some disaster to leave your comfort zone, will ensure that no new insights, biblical or otherwise, need complicate your day or disturb carefully curated complacency.

According to its manufacturer, Blinkered Block is recommended for “anyone hellbent on feeling right all the time.”


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  1. Joe

    That WAS pretty good – A good description of the SDA program pre-1964 and the residue thereupon – Reminds me of the prayer we used to have, “Lord, protect me from the Adventists”

  2. Richard Mills

    To paraphrase Peter-“Spray me all over from head to toe”. Maybe somebody can enlighten me on what is the latest “new light”?
    I’m gonna go back to sipping’ my ice cold Cafix with sugar!

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