Monday, April 21, 2025

Southwestern Adventist University

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Southern Promises Never to Invite Back “Gift of Singleness” Speaker

Southern Adventist University has issued a formal apology and sworn a blood oath never to invite back the misguided speaker who dared to promote the "gift of singleness" during...
Southwestern Adventist University

Musk Moves Tesla To Southwestern Adventist University

Keene, Tex. - Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has continued to encourage a California exodus by announcing the relocation of Tesla from Palo Alto to...
Southwestern Adventist University

Musk: Tunnels Can Get Adventist College Students Back to Dorms Before Curfew

LOS ANGELES, Calif. --- Billionaire inventor Elon Musk claims that the tunnels he is digging to help urbanites beat traffic gridlock will also have...
Southwestern Adventist University

Will Ferrell to teach “More Cowbell” at Southwestern Adventist University

KEENE, Texas --- Comedic actor Will Ferrell has announced plans to teach a college-level class. The class is called "More Cowbell" and Ferrell will...
Southwestern Adventist University

Southwest Airlines buys Southwestern Adventist University

DALLAS, Texas --- Southwest Airlines has announced the acquisition of Southwestern Adventist University in a bid to rebrand the school as "THE Low Fare...
Adventist Culture

Southern: Student meal plans now only valid at Little Debbie bakery store

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. --- Southern Adventist University announced a major update to its student meal plan policies this morning, stating students would only be able...
Adventist Culture

Southwestern Adventist University cashes in on Tex-Mex heritage, offers haystacks degree

KEENE, Texas --- "We trust that this will settle the question of which is the 'most Adventist' of Adventist universities," said Bubba Bigger, a...
Southwestern Adventist University

Jurassic World “tithes” $50M to Southwestern Adventist University’s Dinosaur Program

KEENE, Texas --- "I think it's safe to say that there's a little more job security around here after today's donation," joked spokesperson Amal...
Adventist Culture

Southwestern Adventist University claims a graduate has found a job

KEENE, Texas --- Southwestern Adventist University sent a press release to regional media late yesterday claiming that a recent graduate has found a job. "We...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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