Musk Moves Tesla To Southwestern Adventist University

Keene, Tex. – Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has continued to encourage a California exodus by announcing the relocation of Tesla from Palo Alto to an extension of Southwestern Adventist University’s Read more […]

Musk: Tunnels Can Get Adventist College Students Back to Dorms Before Curfew

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Billionaire inventor Elon Musk claims that the tunnels he is digging to help urbanites beat traffic gridlock will also have other benefits like “helping students at Adventist Read more […]

Will Ferrell to teach “More Cowbell” at Southwestern Adventist University

KEENE, Texas — Comedic actor Will Ferrell has announced plans to teach a college-level class. The class is called “More Cowbell” and Ferrell will be teaching it at Southwestern Adventist Read more […]

Southwest Airlines buys Southwestern Adventist University

DALLAS, Texas — Southwest Airlines has announced the acquisition of Southwestern Adventist University in a bid to rebrand the school as “THE Low Fare College Ride.” The airline’s first venture Read more […]

Southern: Student meal plans now only valid at Little Debbie bakery store

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University announced a major update to its student meal plan policies this morning, stating students would only be able to use their plans at the nearby Read more […]

Southwestern Adventist University cashes in on Tex-Mex heritage, offers haystacks degree

KEENE, Texas — “We trust that this will settle the question of which is the ‘most Adventist’ of Adventist universities,” said Bubba Bigger, a Southwestern Adventist University spokesperson, Read more […]

Jurassic World “tithes” $50M to Southwestern Adventist University’s Dinosaur Program

KEENE, Texas — “I think it’s safe to say that there’s a little more job security around here after today’s donation,” joked spokesperson Amal Gamation of Southwestern Adventist University’s Read more […]

Southwestern Adventist University claims a graduate has found a job

KEENE, Texas — Southwestern Adventist University sent a press release to regional media late yesterday claiming that a recent graduate has found a job. “We are proud to announce that Read more […]