Southern: Student meal plans now only valid at Little Debbie bakery store

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COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University announced a major update to its student meal plan policies this morning, stating students would only be able to use their plans at the nearby Little Debbie Bakery Store.

“Today our special relationship with Little Debbie just got a little bit more special,” said Southern spokesperson Barra De Nuez, expressing her confidence that the policy change would be a win/win/win for Little Debbie (McKee Foods), Southern and students.

De Nuez said the policy change allowed for Southern to shut down its various food service facilities in a major cost-cutting effort that would allow it to keep tuition prices low.

“Southern will be able to contain costs by avoiding massive overhead currently spent on nutritional services overhead,” said De Nuez. “Besides paying less for tuition, our students will be able to fulfill their caloric needs and much, much more at a fraction of the price they are currently paying for their meals.”


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  1. The Southern spokesperson, “Barra De Nuez,” has an interesting name. Yup, they might be healthier if they eat more “Walnut Bars” instead of fat-filled, sugar-packed, empty-calorie-whopping snack cakes. My sister is still trying to figure out why she gained 300 pounds after accepting the “health message” and loading up on Little Debbies.

    1. Tony Roma

      Came across an interesting book from 1902?? Book is called “Vegetarianism and Occultism”. Check it out. Its not Anti vegetarianism by the way. Guess Ellen was not the only pushing the agenda.

  2. Millie Brown-Rice

    Why all the bad rap about Little Debbie’s? Since it’s vegetarian, it must be good for you. Obviously the GC wouldn’t condone anything contrary to our health message.

  3. Lil Zane

    I wrote a rap about Little Debbie. Hope you like it. (Sing/rap to the tune of “‘Sky’s the Limit” by Lil Wayne)


    Once there was a girl in Collegedale,
    And Little Debbie was her name.
    Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
    Lil Deb, Lil Deb.

    She like to sing and she like to play
    And she like to munch on d’ snacks all day.
    Boom, bap, rumba rap.
    Zhezoom, bedoong, bebop, ba-boom.

    Well, the years went by and she saw the clocks
    and she saw herself on d’ snack-cake box.
    Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
    She ate and ate,
    and she did inflate.
    ‘Cause d’ “healthy snacks”
    Was not the facts.
    Oh yeah, o yeah.
    Big Deb, Big Deb.
    Boom, bap, rumba rap.
    Zhezoom, bedoong, be-bop, ba-boom~

    First comes love, then comes marriage,
    Then comes Big Lil Debbie
    Pushing an oversize bariatric baby carriage.
    Big Deb, Big Deb.
    Boom, bap, rumba rap.
    Zhezoom, bedoong, be-bop, ba-boom~

  4. richard mills

    Yo, Lil Zane-you be cool, you know? Real cool, you know? Fitty Cents can make this real. Take Six can spin it into a big hit. Little Richard will make it a number one seller. Keep up the good work. Sounds like a song the 144,000 might sing around the great white throne of Little Debbie way beyond the blue. Yippee!! Woe iz me. I.m off to the see———————————–. Please help me!!

  5. Ray Kraft

    Ah, si, so now the Adventist Health Message means instant diabetes!

    Maybe there’s a conspiracy between Little Debbie and all the Adventist endocrinologists!

    More biz for Debbie, more biz for the docs! Win-Win!

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