Adventist Can’t Lose Weight No Matter How Many Little Debbie’s He Eats

Local Adventist Caleb Johnson just can’t seem to lose those stubborn last 15 pounds no matter how much he eats Adventist-owned Little Debbie snack cakes, sources confirmed today. “I don’t get Read more […]

Little Debbie Elected First Female GC President

  ST. LOUIS, Mo. — For the first time in history, a female has been elected president of the General Conference. Little Debbie won the position by a landslide vote of nominating committee Read more […]

Adventist App Shows How Your Body Will Look In Heaven

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — ADVENTBOD, an Adventist startup based on Loma Linda University campus, promises subscribers realistic renderings of how their bodies will look in the sweet bye and bye. Depending Read more […]

Adventist Prays Little Debbie Treat Will Nourish And Strengthen His Body

Chattanooga, Tenn. – Dying to rip open a box of Little Debbie Nutty Buddy treats, local Pathfinder counselor Patch Aittems paused briefly to say grace, asking for the sugar bomb to nourish and Read more […]

Annual Council Delegates Served Little Debbie Treats to Promote “Sweet Spirit”

BATTLE CREEK, Mich. — The day directly after a controversial Annual Council 2018 vote on a murky “compliance document,” all delegates have been served Little Debbie snack cakes to promote a Read more […]

GC votes to exclude Little Debbie’s Nutty Bars from its Investment Portfolio

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference Investment Board has voted to direct the GC Investment Management Committee “that in keeping with our longstanding position on at least managing Read more […]

UN Secretary General honors Adventist Church for “Amazing Breakfast Cereal Innovations”

NEW YORK, N.Y. — In an early morning ceremony today, United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon formally thanked the Seventh-day Adventist Church for promoting health worldwide through “amazing Read more […]

Southern: Student meal plans now only valid at Little Debbie bakery store

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University announced a major update to its student meal plan policies this morning, stating students would only be able to use their plans at the nearby Read more […]

Ben Carson wins Little Debbie’s presidential endorsement

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — While Seventh-day Adventist opinions on Adventist former neurosurgeon Ben Carson’s presidential candidacy have been all over the map, a large, Adventist-owned corporation Read more […]

Report: Little Debbie not so little anymore

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — McKee Foods, the Adventist-owned parent company of the legendary Little Debbie snack cakes, is being forced to rebrand. The reason? Little Debbie can by no stretch of the Read more […]