Local Adventist health enthusiast, Gus Beanz, has declared that his vegetarian diet produces what he calls “holier emissions.” “It’s simple really,” Beanz explained, barely containing his excitement. Read more […]
Silver Spring, Md. – The General Conference has announced a ban on all chocolate products containing coffee or alcohol, effective immediately. To enforce the new policy, the GC has hired a team Read more […]
Local Adventist Caleb Johnson just can’t seem to lose those stubborn last 15 pounds no matter how much he eats Adventist-owned Little Debbie snack cakes, sources confirmed today. “I don’t get Read more […]
After winning a ski crash lawsuit, actress and wellness guru Gwyneth Paltrow is extending an olive branch to her accuser. Paltrow reportedly approached the man and offered to do a juice cleanse Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — ADVENTBOD, an Adventist startup based on Loma Linda University campus, promises subscribers realistic renderings of how their bodies will look in the sweet bye and bye. Depending Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventists are reportedly thrilled at being able to buy wine locally, by taking advantage of the acceptability of surgical masks while shopping. A Loma Linda liquor Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Rez Allusion, a middle-aged Pathfinder club director who packed on a few too many over Thanksgiving, has vowed to start faithfully abiding by NEWSTART health principles as Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventists around the world have been directed to buy Frigid a new smart fridge that is designed to keep members accountable health-wise. Frigid reports the presence of Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — For the first in its history, the Adventist Church has endorsed a soda. Today, the denomination named 7 Up as the “Most Seventh-day Adventist Soda,” citing not just its Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Leaders of the Adventist Church are warning members of the perils of eating unequally yoked omelets. “Unequally yoked omelets may look fluffy and delicious at first glance Read more […]
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