COVID: Pastor Fired for Promoting “Contagious Faith”

COLD SNAP, Mich. — Pastor Des Tibbitts of Cold Snap SDA is out of a job after preaching a sermon on “Contagious Faith” to a dumbfounded congregation last Sabbath. Eyewitnesses from last Read more […]

Conspiracy Theorist Refuses To Be Tainted By Facts

DULLSVILLE, Ala. — Joe Knutter has spent the last 18 months scouring YouTube and fringe sites for confirmation of his ever-deepening conviction that COVID is fake news and vaccinations are from Read more […]

ASI Announces “Superspreader Evangelism” Training

COLUMBIA, Md. — Right on the heels of a densely-attended ASI (Adventist-laymen’s Services & Industries) convention in the Orlando area during a COVID-related state of emergency, the Read more […]

Couch Potato Adventist Dreading End Of Zoom Church

Brent Baker, a local Adventist deacon, has spent the last several weeks nervously monitoring his congregation’s Facebook page for any hopeful signs his church will stay ZOOM-only for at least Read more […]

ABC Stores Dedicate Shelf Space To COVID Conspiracy Theories

ADVENTIST WORLD —- ABC stores are cashing in on the dramatic surge in conspiracy theory dissemination lately by dedicating shelf space to the stickiest ideas. COVID has allowed some of the Read more […]

Turkeys Urge Americans Not To Travel For Thanksgiving

  UNITED STATES —— Turkeys across the United States have warned Americans of the extreme dangers of traveling for Thanksgiving this year. “Don’t risk your health or that of your family Read more […]

Adventist Churches Not Re-Opening Until Everyone Gets Haircut

Finally. ADVENTIST WORLD — Conference and union leaders across the Adventist world have warned their churches will stay shut until their members get haircuts. “Lack of access to hair salons Read more […]

Trump Eating Nothing But Haystacks To Boost Coronavirus Resistance

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Reporters at today’s White House press briefing were notified that President Donald Trump has taken to exclusively eating haystacks to boost his resistance to COVID-19 infection. In Read more […]

Adventist Drive-In Theater Churches Feature Priority Angel Parking Credit: ErriTollsten ADVENTIST WORLD — As more and more Adventist congregations have turned to drive-in Read more […]

Shopping In Masks Leads To Increased Wine Sales in Adventist Hotspots

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventists are reportedly thrilled at being able to buy wine locally, by taking advantage of the acceptability of surgical masks while shopping. A Loma Linda liquor Read more […]