Coronavirus
COVID: Pastor Fired for Promoting “Contagious Faith”
COLD SNAP, Mich. — Pastor Des Tibbitts of Cold Snap SDA is out of a job after preaching a sermon on “Contagious Faith” to a dumbfounded congregation last Sabbath.
Eyewitnesses...
Coronavirus
Conspiracy Theorist Refuses To Be Tainted By Facts
DULLSVILLE, Ala. — Joe Knutter has spent the last 18 months scouring YouTube and fringe sites for confirmation of his ever-deepening conviction that COVID...
Coronavirus
ASI Announces “Superspreader Evangelism” Training
COLUMBIA, Md. — Right on the heels of a densely-attended ASI (Adventist-laymen’s Services & Industries) convention in the Orlando area during a COVID-related state of...
Coronavirus
Couch Potato Adventist Dreading End Of Zoom Church
Brent Baker, a local Adventist deacon, has spent the last several weeks nervously monitoring his congregation’s Facebook page for any hopeful signs his church...
Coronavirus
ABC Stores Dedicate Shelf Space To COVID Conspiracy Theories
ADVENTIST WORLD —- ABC stores are cashing in on the dramatic surge in conspiracy theory dissemination lately by dedicating shelf space to the stickiest...
Coronavirus
Turkeys Urge Americans Not To Travel For Thanksgiving
UNITED STATES —— Turkeys across the United States have warned Americans of the extreme dangers of traveling for Thanksgiving this year.
“Don’t risk your health...
Adventist Attire
Adventist Churches Not Re-Opening Until Everyone Gets Haircut
ADVENTIST WORLD --- Conference and union leaders across the Adventist world have warned their churches will stay shut until their members get haircuts.
"Lack of...
Coronavirus
Trump Eating Nothing But Haystacks To Boost Coronavirus Resistance
WASHINGTON, D.C. --- Reporters at today's White House press briefing were notified that President Donald Trump has taken to exclusively eating haystacks to boost...
Coronavirus
Adventist Drive-In Theater Churches Feature Priority Angel Parking
ADVENTIST WORLD --- As more and more Adventist congregations have turned to drive-in church models during the COVID-19 pandemic, the church manual has been...
Coronavirus
Shopping In Masks Leads To Increased Wine Sales in Adventist Hotspots
LOMA LINDA, Calif. --- Adventists are reportedly thrilled at being able to buy wine locally, by taking advantage of the acceptability of surgical masks...
Adventist Attire
Adventists Split On Whether You Should Dress Up For Online Church
ADVENTIST WORLD --- Adventists are finding it impossible to agree on whether or not we should all be dressing up for streaming church. According...