Joy can be found in many things, in many places.
These are not those things. These are not those places. Read more [...]WASHINGTON, D.C. — Reporters at today’s White House press briefing were notified that President Donald Trump has taken to exclusively eating haystacks to boost his resistance to COVID-19 infection. In Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump hailed an “incredible” new trade deal with Mexico today and surprised Adventists, in particular, by saying that the deal would, “make Ben Carson’s people Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has rolled out a new set of recommendations for healthy eating. At the top of its list of recommended meals is what the agency Read more […]
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. — In a soon-to-be-published new edition, Merriam-Webster’s dictionary has listed an additional definition for the term “haystacks.” In addition to it being the plural form Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Members of the General Conference-based Biblical Research Institute claim to have cleared up a mystery that has confused biblical scholars for centuries. In Read more […]
Say goodbye. NEW YORK, N.Y. — President Donald Trump sent a tweet this morning that horrified Seventh-day Adventists across the nation: “Sorry @RealBenCarson, your church’s haystacks belong Read more […]
DUBLIN, Ohio — Haystacks are back at Wendy’s thanks to the courageous actions of an Adventist product executive at the chain’s head office. Noah Nanas, Director of Product Development at Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — After years of painful study, deliberation and taste-testing, Seventh-day Adventist leaders have decided to increase the already hotly-debated number of permissible haystack Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Researchers at Loma Linda University’s School of Public Health have detected a genetic weakness in multigenerational Adventists that renders them “defenseless against the Read more […]
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