Trump promises to slash price of haystacks guac/salsa in half with US-Mexico trade deal

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump hailed an “incredible” new trade deal with Mexico today and surprised Adventists, in particular, by saying that the deal would, “make Ben Carson’s people Read more […]

Carson: “Cruz’s non-endorsement of Trump is biggest insult since GC rejected Women’s Ordination”

CLEVELAND, Ohio — Former presidential candidate Ben Carson had strong words to describe Ted Cruz’s refusal to endorse Donald Trump for president yesterday. “Cruz’s non-endorsement of Donald Read more […]

Adventist Church exempts sleepy Ben Carson from caffeine ban

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an absolute first for the Adventist Church, world leaders have come to a majority decision to allow a caffeine ban exemption for the denomination’s most fatigued member: Read more […]