GC to Carson: “Say you’re Baptist”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Scrutiny of the Seventh-day Adventist Church is intensifying by the day as Adventist retired neurosurgeon and US presidential candidate, Dr. Ben Carson has begun to establish himself as the new Republican front-runner.

Adventist leaders, distraught at some of Carson’s polarising comments are desperately trying to distance the church from the candidate.  Their latest tactic has been to suggest that he presents himself as a Baptist.

“What we’re asking for is no big deal,” said General Conference Director of Reversals, O. Streedg Sand.  “We really aren’t that different from the Baptists.  Switch out the day, bring back everlasting hell and start eating ham and you’re basically good to go.”

Dr. Carson could even claim Seventh-day Baptist afilliation if he wanted to, said Sand, “we just need our phones to stop ringing 24/7.”

Sand said that the Seventh-day Adventist Church hadn’t gotten this much unwanted PR “since the whole Waco thing back in ’93.  And Koresh wasn’t even Adventist. This time the headlines will be way worse.”

SPONSORED LINKS

• Where Single Adventists meet. Free 2 year membership. Divorced, widowed, and never married welcomed. We want Adventists to meet other Adventists.

Follow @BarelyAdventist