Shopping In Masks Leads To Increased Wine Sales in Adventist Hotspots

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LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventists are reportedly thrilled at being able to buy wine locally, by taking advantage of the acceptability of surgical masks while shopping.

A Loma Linda liquor store clerk said, “It’s 85 degrees out and a customer you’ve never seen before comes into the store with an oversize mask, sunglasses and a hoodie pulled low around their face, and quickly selects a case of mixed reds and whites, then pays in cash—and on a Friday—well, you know it’s one of them.”

A customer acknowledged that, “Yeah, usually we have to drive a few cities away. Now we can just go down to the local grocery store wine department, and if you keep your face covered no one knows.”

Wine sales have spiked in the Inland Empire, the Baltimore-Washington corridor, Chattanooga, Walla Walla and pretty much anywhere in Orlando near a hospital. The Angwin community has been unaffected, since they’ve never bothered to go out of town.


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  1. Richard Mills

    They say a little wine is good for the stomach.Maybe when Jesus comes back, some will try to sneak a few containers through the pearly gates. Will they drink that stuff with the Heavenly Haystacks?

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