Conspiracy Theorist Refuses To Be Tainted By Facts


DULLSVILLE, Ala. — Joe Knutter has spent the last 18 months scouring YouTube and fringe sites for confirmation of his ever-deepening conviction that COVID is fake news and vaccinations are from the devil.

Knutter combines his faithful research with the most alarmist news commentary, coming to adrenaline-packed conclusions about how advances in vaccine development are a sure sign Sunday Law will be here before Thanksgiving.

He bears witness to his convictions with his small group from church, gravely informing them how each and every news headline coming out these days proves their 401ks are worthless and the only worthwhile investment is a wilderness bunker.

Knutter will not listen to any view but his own, dismissing scientific research as “monkey business” and COVID deaths as fake news.

He condescendingly tells anyone that offers him a fist bump in lieu of a handshake on Sabbath morning that he will be praying for them. Knutter then shakes his head at his lesser brethren’s paranoia before double checking his popewatch site for any sign of Mark of the Beast microchip development. 


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