“But I’m just going to say it anyway: speaking your mind around here is worse than anthrax for your career.”
Speaking to reporters at the world headquarters of the Adventist denomination this morning, Edgwize asked the most friendly-looking faces to “keep an eye out for GC security creeping up behind me.”
Edgwize said that “as much it is the responsibility of my department to campaign for religious liberty at the UN and around the world, I never feel more muzzled than when I have to run an errand to the third floor of this dark, cavernous building.”
Wiping sweat from his brow, Edgwize said that, working at the GC, “one must assume there are compliance agents listening in on every meeting, eager to report anyone that strays from the party line or smells like pumpkin spice latte.”
The spokesperson said he does his best to keep up with the position of senior leadership on everything from working policy minutiae to the best brand of veggie dog.
“It’s exhausting,” said Edgwize. “One day I’ll slip up and admit I’m a La Sierra graduate. That’ll be game over.”
You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.