Baptism Embargo In Place Until Next Crusade

Organizers of a conference-wide evangelistic campaign taking place next summer have announced a year-long “Baptism Embargo” until the big event. The embargo, they claim, is essential to ensure a Read more […]

Billion-Copy Great Controversy Distribution Now Happening Via Email Due to Soaring Printing Costs

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Change of plans: ballooning inflation has meant that the printing of the billion Great Controversy copies that were supposed to be distributed across the globe, has been scrapped Read more […]

COVID: Pastor Fired for Promoting “Contagious Faith”

COLD SNAP, Mich. — Pastor Des Tibbitts of Cold Snap SDA is out of a job after preaching a sermon on “Contagious Faith” to a dumbfounded congregation last Sabbath. Eyewitnesses from last Read more […]

GC “I Will Go” Slogan Changed to “I Will Zoom”

SILVER SRING, Md. — In anticipation of a sparsely-attended General Conference Session this summer, church leadership has changed its I Will Go strategic plan slogan to something more feasible: Read more […]

Mass Evangelism Venue Comes With Revolving Door

Greesei, Md. – At no extra cost, Soul Catchenreleese Stadium is offering fully-greased revolving doors for the latest GC-sponsored mass evangelism event. Stadium management guarantees Read more […]

ASI Announces “Superspreader Evangelism” Training

COLUMBIA, Md. — Right on the heels of a densely-attended ASI (Adventist-laymen’s Services & Industries) convention in the Orlando area during a COVID-related state of emergency, the Read more […]

Takeaway From Distracted Evangelistic Campaign Attendee: Miller Lites Were Greatly Disappointing In 1844

Image credit: MobiusDaXter – File:Kenworth United Beverage HTS-30D pic5.jpg RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Interviewed immediately after attending an Adventist online evangelistic campaign from his living Read more […]