Saturday, May 17, 2025

Evangelism

GC Aims to Double Adventist Membership by Requiring Adventists to Have Twice as Many Babies

In a bold move to boost church growth, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has announced a controversial new initiative aimed at doubling the denomination's global membership. The plan,...

Adventist Vacationers Spend Entire Trip Trying to Convert Hotel Staff

Myrtle Beach, S.C. - Local Adventist couple Bob and Mildred Harrington recently returned from what they called a "mission trip" to a beachfront resort...

Summer Evangelism Series Rebranded as ‘Prophecy and Popsicles’ to Boost Attendance

In an attempt to combat dwindling attendance at their annual summer evangelism series, the Cooler Springs Seventh-day Adventist Church has taken a bold new...

GC UNVEILS “Innovative” Plan to Spread 3 Angels’ Message Via Fax

SILVER SPRING, MD — In a move hailed as groundbreaking by those nostalgic for the 1980s, the General Conference has unveiled its latest strategy...

Evangelist Doesn’t Know Single Name of 1,000 He Baptized in Campaign

At last month’s evangelistic campaign, veteran evangelist Elder Thundersalot baptized an astounding 1,000 new converts into the Adventist church over the course of just...

GC Announces Plans to Distribute 1 Billion 28 Fundamentals VHS Tapes Globally

In a move that left members speechless, the GC unveiled a bold new initiative this morning: "Operation Saturation: 28 Fundamentals on a Billion Tapes!"...

It Is Written: Cat Videos Are the Future of Evangelism

Hold onto your catnip, Adventist internet, because It Is Written is about to get lit... with the power of fluffy paws! In a bold...

Baptism Embargo In Place Until Next Crusade

Organizers of a conference-wide evangelistic campaign taking place next summer have announced a year-long "Baptism Embargo" until the big event. The embargo, they claim,...

3 Angels Balloon Shot Down

TUMBLEWEED, Calif. - The United States Air Force shot down a standard issue General Conference Three Angels hot air balloon over a rural area...

Billion-Copy Great Controversy Distribution Now Happening Via Email Due to Soaring Printing Costs

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Change of plans: ballooning inflation has meant that the printing of the billion Great Controversy copies that were supposed to...

COVID: Pastor Fired for Promoting “Contagious Faith”

COLD SNAP, Mich. — Pastor Des Tibbitts of Cold Snap SDA is out of a job after preaching a sermon on “Contagious Faith” to...