3 Angels Balloon Shot Down
TUMBLEWEED, Calif. – The United States Air Force shot down a standard issue General Conference Three Angels hot air balloon over a rural area of Central California earlier today. As the balloon Read more […]
Category: Evangelism
Billion-Copy Great Controversy Distribution Now Happening Via Email Due to Soaring Printing Costs
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Change of plans: ballooning inflation has meant that the printing of the billion Great Controversy copies that were supposed to be distributed across the globe, has been scrapped Read more […]
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COVID: Pastor Fired for Promoting “Contagious Faith”
COLD SNAP, Mich. — Pastor Des Tibbitts of Cold Snap SDA is out of a job after preaching a sermon on “Contagious Faith” to a dumbfounded congregation last Sabbath. Eyewitnesses from last Read more […]
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GC “I Will Go” Slogan Changed to “I Will Zoom”
SILVER SRING, Md. — In anticipation of a sparsely-attended General Conference Session this summer, church leadership has changed its I Will Go strategic plan slogan to something more feasible: Read more […]
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Mass Evangelism Venue Comes With Revolving Door
Greesei, Md. – At no extra cost, Soul Catchenreleese Stadium is offering fully-greased revolving doors for the latest GC-sponsored mass evangelism event. Stadium management guarantees Read more […]
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ASI Announces “Superspreader Evangelism” Training
COLUMBIA, Md. — Right on the heels of a densely-attended ASI (Adventist-laymen’s Services & Industries) convention in the Orlando area during a COVID-related state of emergency, the Read more […]
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Takeaway From Distracted Evangelistic Campaign Attendee: Miller Lites Were Greatly Disappointing In 1844
Image credit: MobiusDaXter – File:Kenworth United Beverage HTS-30D pic5.jpg RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Interviewed immediately after attending an Adventist online evangelistic campaign from his living Read more […]
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Report: High-Pressure Altar Calls Way Harder On Zoom
ADVENTIST WORLD — According to a report in the magazine Anyone Else?, high-pressure altar calls have taken a serious hit during the coronavirus crisis. Evangelists used to telling packed, Read more […]
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Altar Call Time Limit Set At Seven Minutes
ADVENTIST WORLD — For the first time in their careers, Adventist evangelists are having to navigate an altar call time limit. New denominational altar call guidelines state that if evangelists Read more […]
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Glow-In-The-Dark GLOW Tracts Launched
BREAKING NEWS Adventist World — The Adventist Church has introduced revolutionary new glow-in-the-dark GLOW tracts. The handouts are available for the following titles: Let your light so Read more […]
