In an attempt to combat dwindling attendance at their annual summer evangelism series, the Cooler Springs Seventh-day Adventist Church has taken a bold new approach. This year’s series, traditionally Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, MD — In a move hailed as groundbreaking by those nostalgic for the 1980s, the General Conference has unveiled its latest strategy to spread the Three Angels’ Message: fax machines. “While Read more […]
At last month’s evangelistic campaign, veteran evangelist Elder Thundersalot baptized an astounding 1,000 new converts into the Adventist church over the course of just three weeks of meetings. Read more […]
In a move that left members speechless, the GC unveiled a bold new initiative this morning: “Operation Saturation: 28 Fundamentals on a Billion Tapes!” Yes, you read that right. A billion. VHS tapes. Apparently, Read more […]
Hold onto your catnip, Adventist internet, because It Is Written is about to get lit… with the power of fluffy paws! In a bold move to revamp their outreach strategy, the ministry has unveiled Read more […]
Organizers of a conference-wide evangelistic campaign taking place next summer have announced a year-long “Baptism Embargo” until the big event. The embargo, they claim, is essential to ensure a Read more […]
TUMBLEWEED, Calif. – The United States Air Force shot down a standard issue General Conference Three Angels hot air balloon over a rural area of Central California earlier today. As the balloon Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Change of plans: ballooning inflation has meant that the printing of the billion Great Controversy copies that were supposed to be distributed across the globe, has been scrapped Read more […]
COLD SNAP, Mich. — Pastor Des Tibbitts of Cold Snap SDA is out of a job after preaching a sermon on “Contagious Faith” to a dumbfounded congregation last Sabbath. Eyewitnesses from last Read more […]
SILVER SRING, Md. — In anticipation of a sparsely-attended General Conference Session this summer, church leadership has changed its I Will Go strategic plan slogan to something more feasible: Read more […]
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