Trump Promises To Build Wall Around Adventist Subdivision In Heaven

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As Election Day looms, the Trump and Biden campaigns are appealing to voters of all stripes in an attempt to woo them. Both candidates are scraping the barrel when it comes Read more […]

Baptism Embargo In Place Until Next Crusade

Organizers of a conference-wide evangelistic campaign taking place next summer have announced a year-long “Baptism Embargo” until the big event. The embargo, they claim, is essential to ensure a Read more […]

Santa Sick Of Adventists Telling Kids He’s Not Real

NORTH POLE: Santa Claus spent today fuming about Adventist efforts to persuade kids he doesn’t exist. “It’s hard enough to deliver presents with COVID complicating everything,” Santa Read more […]