Baptism Embargo In Place Until Next Crusade

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Organizers of a conference-wide evangelistic campaign taking place next summer have announced a year-long “Baptism Embargo” until the big event. The embargo, they claim, is essential to ensure a record-breaking number of baptisms at the crusade.

In a press conference that left many Adventists scratching their heads, the conference explained its rationale. “You see,” said Elder Sam Smith, crusade logistics coordinator, “we don’t know how many people we’ll have responding to altar calls at the crusade. So, we’ve decided to stockpile baptismal candidates ahead of time.”

Elder Smith added that “the Great Commission may have mentioned making disciples, but it never specified a timetable. Technically there’s no ban on embargoes, especially if it makes our visiting evangelist look good.”

Others have critiqued the embargo, saying converts should be allowed to get baptized when they wish. Sister Sarah Johnson, a lifelong Adventist, exclaimed, “I thought the whole point of baptisms was to save souls, not to create a spiritual backlog!”


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