Santa Sick Of Adventists Telling Kids He’s Not Real
NORTH POLE: Santa Claus spent today fuming about Adventist efforts to persuade kids he doesn’t exist. “It’s hard enough to deliver presents with COVID complicating everything,” Santa Read more […]
Category: Christmas
La Sierra Religion Professor Blasts Santa as “Works-Obsessed Gifter”
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — A La Sierra University religion professor has denounced Santa Clause as a complete legalist after reviewing the North Pole resident’s criteria for giving gifts. Dr. Sola Read more […]
Share this:
GC Christmas Decorations Consist Entirely Of Red Tape
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference building has joined the festive season by decorating each floor with an impressive amount of red tape. Feeling the tithe parity Read more […]
Share this:
3ABN airs Home Alone
WEST FRANKFORT, Ill. — Three Angels Broadcasting Network is showing Christmas classic Home Alone on Christmas Day this year. The movie is about 8-year-old Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin), Read more […]
Share this:
Adventists banned from telling kids about Santa because he “levitates”
SILVER SPRING, Md. — A Christmas Day email blast from the General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church has instructed world divisions to demand that members refrain from telling their Read more […]
Share this:
Seventh-day Adventist Church endorses “perfectly-numbered” iPhone 7
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In the first Apple product endorsement in Seventh-day Adventist history, church leaders released a statement today extolling the virtues of the “perfectly numbered” iPhone Read more […]
Share this:
Adventist Risk Management hawks Home Alone booby traps as Time of Trouble protection
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist Risk Management has launched a major advertising campaign to drive sales of what a press release calls “Home Alone-style booby traps to enhance the safety of Adventists Read more […]
