Christmas
Pastor’s Kid Cast as Baby Jesus for 17th Consecutive Year
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — The annual Christmas nativity play at the Berrien Springs Seventh-day Adventist Church has once again stirred controversy as Pastor Heirloom Parker’s son, 17-year-old Timmy, was...
Christmas
Pastor’s Wife Mistaken for Holiday Decor
In a festive faux pas that has set tongues wagging throughout the Advent Valley Seventh-day Adventist Church, Sister Joy Goodcheer, wife of Pastor Nick...
Christmas
Heaven Confirms Christmas Was Awful This Year
HEAVEN - A statement released this morning from Heaven’s media relations office confirmed what many have suspected the last few days: this was an...
Christmas
GC Rushes Out Policy On Regifting
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Church officials from around the world rushed to Silver Spring yesterday after senior denominational leadership realized there was one remaining...
Christmas
Congregation Deaf After Thunderous “Silent Night” Rendition
CELEBRATION, Calif. — Nobody at Joyful Shout SDA can hear a thing a full 24 hours after a Christmas concert at the church that...
Christmas
Santa Sick Of Adventists Telling Kids He’s Not Real
NORTH POLE: Santa Claus spent today fuming about Adventist efforts to persuade kids he doesn’t exist.
“It’s hard enough to deliver presents with COVID...
Christmas
La Sierra Religion Professor Blasts Santa as “Works-Obsessed Gifter”
RIVERSIDE, Calif. --- A La Sierra University religion professor has denounced Santa Clause as a complete legalist after reviewing the North Pole resident's criteria...
Christmas
GC Christmas Decorations Consist Entirely Of Red Tape
SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The General Conference building has joined the festive season by decorating each floor with an impressive amount of red tape.
Feeling...
Christmas
3ABN airs Home Alone
WEST FRANKFORT, Ill. --- Three Angels Broadcasting Network is showing Christmas classic Home Alone on Christmas Day this year.
The movie is about 8-year-old Kevin...
Christmas
Adventists banned from telling kids about Santa because he “levitates”
SILVER SPRING, Md. --- A Christmas Day email blast from the General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church has instructed world divisions to demand...
Christmas
Seventh-day Adventist Church endorses “perfectly-numbered” iPhone 7
SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In the first Apple product endorsement in Seventh-day Adventist history, church leaders released a statement today extolling the virtues of...