North German Union Votes To Reignite Penpal Relationship With GC

HANNOVER, Germany – On April 25, members of the North German Union Executive Committee voted to rekindle what, quite frankly, had been a sputtering penpal relationship with the General Conference. Delegates Read more […]

GC Christmas Decorations Consist Entirely Of Red Tape

    SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference building has joined the festive season by decorating each floor with an impressive amount of red tape. Feeling the tithe parity Read more […]

General Conference votes to stop all pastoral ordinations

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has voted to halt pastoral ordination across the world church. The decision was made in an effort to address rising tensions Read more […]

Ted Wilson’s email scrutinized amid allegations he exposed haystacks secrets

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist World Headquarters was completely aflutter today at the news that General Conference President Ted Wilson could face disciplinary action for questionable Read more […]

Slacker GC San Antonio delegates face pay cuts over skipped meetings

SILVER SPRING, Md. — “Delegates who played hooky during the San Antonio GC business meetings are about to get their comeuppance,” warned General Conference Treasury spokesperson Will Butcher. Read more […]

Thousands of single Adventists furiously flirting on last GC day

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — With the doors of the ark-like Alamodome about to close for good on the San Antonio General Conference Session, single Adventists are swarming around each other in an all-out Read more […]

Conference President: Why have female pastors when you have pastor’s wives?

SILVER SPRING, Md. – Two members of the Theology of Ordination Study Committee believe there is a simple solution to the women’s ordination question: real pastors’ wives. Tri-States Conference Read more […]