Alamodome on lockdown following women’s ordination vote until both sides hug it out

BREAKING NEWS SAN ANTONIO, Texas — General Conference Session parliamentarians have announced an absolute lockdown of the Alamodome at GC San Antonio until the delegates who have just voted Read more […]

Slide show: 28 Fundamental Reasons Adventists Should Ordain Women

If you are anything like us, you may be dealing with information overload with all the arguments for or against women’s ordination. To help illustrate the issues we thought a little slide show about why to ordain women would be in order.

Female delegates to boycott GC San Antonio

SILVER SPRING, Md. — “The General Conference San Antonio World Session has been upgraded and will now take the form of a men’s conference,” said lead organizer Solo Muchachos to Adventist press Read more […]

Aging male delegates handpicked to fairly represent male dominance at GC Session

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — “We are satisfied the deck is sufficiently stacked with gray heads and testosterone,” said General Conference Session logistics spokesperson Sonny Viejo to Adventist reporters Read more […]

Angry Adventist Birds game released to crush women’s ordination

SILVER SPRING, Md. — By far the boldest Adventist venture into gaming so far, Angry Adventist Birds was launch today by General Conference developers. Released both for Apple and Android, Read more […]

Borat returns in “Women’s (sub)Ordination – Interviews with Adventist Leaders”

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen has announced the June 2 release of his latest film: “Women’s (sub)Ordination.”  Cohen returns as eccentric Kazakh television personality Read more […]

Andrews Seminary launches female-only Masters of Prophecy

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — In an unprecedented move by the General Conference and Andrews Theological University, a solution has been reached in the debate over women’s ordination.  David Houston Read more […]

Adventist anti-women’s ordination campaigners struggle with whole ‘woman co-founder thingy’

BATTLE CREEK, Mich. — Campaigners against women’s ordination are struggling with a simple yet annoyingly inconvenient reality:  Ellen G. White’s gender. “We do our best to seek Ellen White’s Read more […]

Conference President: Why have female pastors when you have pastor’s wives?

SILVER SPRING, Md. – Two members of the Theology of Ordination Study Committee believe there is a simple solution to the women’s ordination question: real pastors’ wives. Tri-States Conference Read more […]

Special offering to fit female church workers’ offices with glass ceilings

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Church stewardship leaders are promoting a special offering that will be taken up next Sabbath for the remodeling of offices of female workers employed by the Adventist Read more […]