Aging male delegates handpicked to fairly represent male dominance at GC Session

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Viejo is optimistic there will be enough musical delegates to form a male chorus...
Viejo is optimistic there will be enough delegates to form a male chorus…
SAN ANTONIO, Texas — “We are satisfied the deck is sufficiently stacked with gray heads and testosterone,” said General Conference Session logistics spokesperson Sonny Viejo to Adventist reporters as he reported on the composition of the delegate pool for this July’s San Antonio-based world meetings. According to official statistics, over 80% of the delegates chosen for the meetings are male and well over half are old enough to be grandparents several times over.

“Our delegates have been handpicked to ensure the least possible work gets done and hardly anything changes in top leadership,” said Viejo. “We do have some work to do to make sure we shore up previous convictions against challenges from fresh thought or inspiration but we trust these delegates will ensure we don’t get too far ahead of ourselves.”

Viejo explained that with rapidly growing church membership and important issues like that of women’s ordination to consider, church leaders were especially keen to pick the best men available for the delegate slots. “Who better to decide whether women are allowed to function as ordained ministers than the wise men who have been doing such a great job pastoring so far?” asked Viejo.

“At the very beginning of our history as a church we had to make do with very young leaders, the most influential of which was a woman,” said Viejo, shaking his head. “Man, we’ve come a long way since then.”

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  1. Abigail Adams to John Adams at the Constitutional Convention in 1787:
    “Remember the ladies.” Hmmm. Not so far removed from this situation. We do have recourse if we are not remembered.
    1. Men wil have a fine time teaching the cradle roll classes
    2. Men will have a fine time organizing potlucks
    3. Men will have a fine time running the Dorcas meetings.
    4. More surprises at home, I surmise, when these gray-headed testerone -laden delegates return to their homes.
    5. What was that about male head-ship? The man is in charge? You mean that thing in the lazeeboy in front of the wide screen, wearing his bathrobe, drinking his ahh well his whatever, watching the game? In charge of what? Ha. Good one.
    6. Gonna be a looooong next 5 years, unless the ladies let their voices be heard.

  2. “’Who better to decide whether women are allowed to function as ordained ministers than the wise [old] men who have been doing such a great job pastoring so far?’ asked Viejo.”

    Well, sevvy, this time the satire seems to be the reality.

    “’At the very beginning of our history as a church we had to make do with very young leaders [including many women ministers], the most influential of which was a woman,’ said Viejo, shaking his head. ‘Man, we’ve come a long way since then.’”

    Yep, haven’t we? Get the facts here.

  3. How ironic, sevvy! And here is some humor that was originally shared by a Fuller Seminary professor. It may help to put things in perspective:

    Top Ten Reasons Why Men Should Not Be Ordained

    10. A man’s place is in the army.

    9. For men who have children, their ministerial duties might distract them from the responsibilities of being a parent.

    8. Their physical build indicates that men are more suited to tasks such as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be “unnatural” for them to do other forms of work.

    7. Man was created before woman. It is therefore obvious that man was a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment, rather than the crowning achievement of creation.

    6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. This is easily demonstrated by their conduct at football games and watching basketball tournaments.

    5. Some men are handsome; they will distract women worshipers.

    4. To be an ordained pastor is to nurture the congregation. But this is not a traditional male role. Rather, throughout history, women have been considered to be not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more frequently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.

    3. Testosterone makes men more prone to violence; no really “manly” man wants to settle disputes by any means other than by fighting about it. It also makes them more prone to lust; consider King David. Thus, they would be poor role models, as well as being dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.

    2. The New Testament tells us that Jesus was betrayed by a man. His lack of faith and ensuing punishment remind us of the subordinated position that all men should take.

    1. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep sidewalks, repair the church roof, and perhaps even lead the song service on Father’s Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the church.

    (Originally from the late Dr. David M. Scholer of Fuller Theological Seminary in 1997.) Found on

  4. Richard Mills

    Reason #8 on physical fitness-consider dear old Elder James White as he cut down trees to be turned into railroad ties along that Maine railroad right of way.. Now, there was a real pastor!
    Reason # 2-Judas was not a man but a lying rat. On the street we call them “snitches who dig ditches for their britches”.
    Reason # 5-Those types of pastors usually run off with the organist, the church clerk, the Conference secretary or anybody else.
    If WO is passed, pastors can run off with each other!! Woe is me!

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