Theologian Releases Bible Version That Fully Agrees With Him

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Doug Digger breathed a sigh of satisfaction from his ivory tower balcony today as he released what he called a “wrinkle-free” version of the Bible. In the run-up to the release, Read more […]

Billion-Copy Great Controversy Distribution Now Happening Via Email Due to Soaring Printing Costs

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Change of plans: ballooning inflation has meant that the printing of the billion Great Controversy copies that were supposed to be distributed across the globe, has been scrapped Read more […]

Helicopter Carrying George R. Knight Diverted To GC Parking Lot

SILVER SPRING, Md. – A helicopter carrying the current administration’s least favorite church historian was diverted to the General Conference parking lot today. George R. Knight had been Read more […]

Thunberg To GC: Stop Killing Trees To Print Quarterlies. App Is Way Better.

NEW YORK, N.Y. — Climate activist Greta Thunberg used a portion of her United Nations address this week to implore the General Conference to stop killing trees by printing Sabbath School quarterlies. The Read more […]

Progressive Press Updates Fundamental Beliefs In “28 Optional Tips” Pamphlet

ADVENTIST WORLD — Happy Clappy Publications has announced the latest in its line of progressive Adventist titles: 28 Optional Tips. The slim, scented pamphlet downgrades each Adventist fundamental Read more […]

Oversight Committee Formed to Monitor George Knight

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A brand new addition has been made to a list of recently formed oversight committees at the General Conference. So far, the committees cover Sabbath wading, disruptive church Read more […]

Books with Words Banned in Michigan Conference; Book Burning Vespers Scheduled

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — On Thursday, July 6, Seventh-day Adventist Michigan Conference President Jay Gallimore announced that all books containing words would be banned at the three Adventist Read more […]

Want to advertise to 40,000 Adventists? BarelyAdventist can help.

We’ve had a lot of people asking about how to advertise on BarelyAdventist lately so we thought it was time to put up a page with some basic info on our menu bar. The short of it is, BarelyAdventist Read more […]