Vatican Buys Up Rights To ‘The Great Controversy’

In a surprise move for the generally uneventful world of Adventist publishing, the Vatican has announced that it has snapped up worldwide publishing rights to Ellen White classic The Great Controversy. Explaining Read more […]

Publishing Houses Furiously Bidding on Billion-Copy “Great Controversy” Print Job

Publishing houses across the Adventist world have thrown their hats into the ring to secure the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to print a billion copies of Ellen White classic “The Great Controversy”. Read more […]

GC Exec Quietly Vows to Publish Harry-like Tell-All the Second He Retires

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Wildly inspired by Prince Harry’s tell-all autobiography, General Conference VP Will Exitlit, promised himself this morning to celebrate his retirement day with the publication Read more […]

Theologian Releases Bible Version That Fully Agrees With Him

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Doug Digger breathed a sigh of satisfaction from his ivory tower balcony today as he released what he called a “wrinkle-free” version of the Bible. In the run-up to the release, Read more […]

Billion-Copy Great Controversy Distribution Now Happening Via Email Due to Soaring Printing Costs

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Change of plans: ballooning inflation has meant that the printing of the billion Great Controversy copies that were supposed to be distributed across the globe, has been scrapped Read more […]

SDA Commentary On Veggie Tales Now Available

  SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary series has now been extended to cover the complete Veggie Tales animated series.  Apologizing that it has taken Read more […]

Helicopter Carrying George R. Knight Diverted To GC Parking Lot

SILVER SPRING, Md. – A helicopter carrying the current administration’s least favorite church historian was diverted to the General Conference parking lot today. George R. Knight had been Read more […]

Thunberg To GC: Stop Killing Trees To Print Quarterlies. App Is Way Better.

NEW YORK, N.Y. — Climate activist Greta Thunberg used a portion of her United Nations address this week to implore the General Conference to stop killing trees by printing Sabbath School quarterlies. The Read more […]

Progressive Press Updates Fundamental Beliefs In “28 Optional Tips” Pamphlet

ADVENTIST WORLD — Happy Clappy Publications has announced the latest in its line of progressive Adventist titles: 28 Optional Tips. The slim, scented pamphlet downgrades each Adventist fundamental Read more […]