Underpaid Church Employee Sick of Hearing His Treasure is in Heaven

Timothy, who has faithfully served as the church’s youth pastor for over a decade, is now lamenting his earthly situation and wishing for some tangible benefits to go along with his eternal rewards. “I Read more […]

Enterprising Deacon Taps Members’ Pockets With Card Reader For Offering

Harvestime, Tenn. — A couple months ago, go-getter deacon, Joshua Hudson, introduced a groundbreaking approach to boosting offering collections without the knowledge of his fellow members at Pennylane Read more […]

Swedish Union Ordains Greta Thunberg As Climate Change Prophet

STOCKHOLM, Sweden — The Swedish Union ordained the young activist Greta Thunberg as a climate change prophet this morning in a ceremony attended by absolutely no GC officials. Although Read more […]

AMAZING: Amazon Launches “Before You Click We Will Answer” Delivery Service

UNITED STATES – In a truly inspired service upgrade, Amazon launched its “Before You Click We Will Answer” delivery service today. The service means that indecisive customers who have no idea Read more […]

Thunberg To GC: Stop Killing Trees To Print Quarterlies. App Is Way Better.

NEW YORK, N.Y. — Climate activist Greta Thunberg used a portion of her United Nations address this week to implore the General Conference to stop killing trees by printing Sabbath School quarterlies. The Read more […]

‘Crazy Rich Asians’ Sequel Set on Luxurious Campus of the SDA Southern Asia-Pacific Division

CAVITE, Philippines — As the long-awaited romantic comedy, Crazy Rich Asians, wows audiences around the world with its stunning portrayal of Singapore’s hot spots, studio executives have already Read more […]

MTV relaunches ‘Cribs’ with tour of Southern Asia-Pacific Division of Seventh-day Adventists

NEW YORK, N.Y. — MTV has announced plans to relaunch “Cribs,” the much-loved show which flaunted the incredible residences of rich celebrities. The first new episode will feature a building Read more […]

Adventist Church offers tithing discount if you pay for 2019 upfront

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Seventh-day Adventists have an opportunity to save significantly on their tithing expenses in 2019. The General Conference is giving every baptized member until the end Read more […]