Deceased Adventist Couple, COSTCO Members, Leave Huge Quantities of Supplies to Church

When Wilbur and Agnes Stillbody passed away within a month of one another leaving their entire estate to the church, the conference trusts and wills director was surprised to discover that a large Read more […]

Should You Micromanage How Your Church Spends Money?

Ever feel like you’re single-handedly funding the church’s new stained-glass window depicting Daniel in the lion’s den (complete with surprisingly realistic fur rendering)? No? Just me? Well, Read more […]

Underpaid Church Employee Sick of Hearing His Treasure is in Heaven

Timothy, who has faithfully served as the church’s youth pastor for over a decade, is now lamenting his earthly situation and wishing for some tangible benefits to go along with his eternal rewards. “I Read more […]

Enterprising Deacon Taps Members’ Pockets With Card Reader For Offering

Harvestime, Tenn. — A couple months ago, go-getter deacon, Joshua Hudson, introduced a groundbreaking approach to boosting offering collections without the knowledge of his fellow members at Pennylane Read more […]

Swedish Union Ordains Greta Thunberg As Climate Change Prophet

STOCKHOLM, Sweden — The Swedish Union ordained the young activist Greta Thunberg as a climate change prophet this morning in a ceremony attended by absolutely no GC officials. Although Read more […]

AMAZING: Amazon Launches “Before You Click We Will Answer” Delivery Service

UNITED STATES – In a truly inspired service upgrade, Amazon launched its “Before You Click We Will Answer” delivery service today. The service means that indecisive customers who have no idea Read more […]

Thunberg To GC: Stop Killing Trees To Print Quarterlies. App Is Way Better.

NEW YORK, N.Y. — Climate activist Greta Thunberg used a portion of her United Nations address this week to implore the General Conference to stop killing trees by printing Sabbath School quarterlies. The Read more […]

‘Crazy Rich Asians’ Sequel Set on Luxurious Campus of the SDA Southern Asia-Pacific Division

CAVITE, Philippines — As the long-awaited romantic comedy, Crazy Rich Asians, wows audiences around the world with its stunning portrayal of Singapore’s hot spots, studio executives have already Read more […]

New Adventist offering baskets reject $1 bills

SILVER SPRING, Md. — To encourage more generous Adventist giving on Sabbath mornings, new offering plates have been designed that automatically reject $1 bills. The new electronic baskets Read more […]

FBI investigates fake bill fraud in Adventist offering plates

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The FBI is investigating a large case of fake bill fraud that has been discovered in the offering plates of Seventh-day Adventist churches in the United States. FBI agents Read more […]