New Adventist offering baskets reject $1 bills

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — To encourage more generous Adventist giving on Sabbath mornings, new offering plates have been designed that automatically reject $1 bills.

The new electronic baskets require members to feed bills into a slot. Dollar bills are automatically spat out if used.

Church administrators have warned that deacons should expect “quite the learning curve” as the new baskets are debuted next weekend.

“Prepare offering music that lasts at least three times as long as usual as some members will likely try the same dollar bill multiple times,” said GC Stewardship spokesperson Penny Droppin.

She added that the new baskets do not accept coins either.

“Some members seem to think that the offering basket is the Sabbath Coinstar,” said Droppin. “Our new baskets don’t even have a coin slot.”

Droppin acknowledged that the new baskets might cause member frustration as they are first used. She strongly counseled churches to use PowerPoint slides reminding members to be cheerful givers.

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  1. Kaleb

    Wow! What kind of example does that send to the younguns? I think it would say, until they hold a regular job, where social security etc is taken out…that $10.00 lit’ Jake got for his b.d. is not tithe-able. Nor is the $20.00 of Janey got for babysitting. Better take dimes & quarters than nothing, eh?

  2. Kim Jong-Ugly

    I desperately need this kind of offering basket to increase my revenue from the Worker’s Party meetings! Please tell Penny Droppin to send me a large supply (and give my greetings to Dennis Rodman).

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