Saturday, December 7, 2024

Offerings

Pastor Installs Big Guilt Button in Pulpit

In a move that has garnered both confusion and consternation from his congregation, Pastor Jeb Caseload of the Soyburg Seventh-day Adventist Church has installed a large red button labeled...

Congregation Instructed to Sing “Bring Ye All the Tithes Into The Storehouse” Until Offering Basket Has Enough For New Air Conditioner

In a move of desperation last Sabbath, Pastor Johnson of the Swelter Valley Seventh-day Adventist Church directed his congregation to sing "Bring Ye All...

Bathroom Breaks Banned During Offering

ADVENTIST WORLD — In a bid to revive flagging offering tallies, Church leaders have banned bathroom breaks during offering appeals and collections. “It seems Adventist...

Adventist Church accepting offerings in bitcoin

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The Adventist Church has annoucned that it is now accepting offerings in bitcoin. The news follows huge surges in the...

New Adventist offering baskets reject $1 bills

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- To encourage more generous Adventist giving on Sabbath mornings, new offering plates have been designed that automatically reject $1 bills. The...

MTV relaunches ‘Cribs’ with tour of Southern Asia-Pacific Division of Seventh-day Adventists

NEW YORK, N.Y. --- MTV has announced plans to relaunch "Cribs," the much-loved show which flaunted the incredible residences of rich celebrities. The first...

GC bans “Hear the pennies dropping” for encouraging cheapskate offerings

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has ordered all of the denomination's congregations to stop using the song Hear the...

Collegedale Church instructs members to bring exact change for offering next Sabbath

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. --- An email titled "URGENT" was sent to the over 3000 members of Collegedale Church this morning in response to what Church...

Superstitious Church leaders scrap 13th Sabbath tradition

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In a dramatic shift for the Adventist church, world leaders have decided to discontinue the practice of holding special offerings...

Electronic scoreboard to track giving in Adventist churches

Adventist churchgoers will notice something different in church this Sabbath. All church sanctuaries will feature an electronic scoreboard to the left of the pulpit. The...