Republican Adventists Declare Second Great Disappointment

RED AMERICA – After a longed for mid-term red wave failed to materialize, Republican Adventists have likened the letdown to a “Second Great Disappointment.” “This red ripple is not at all the Read more […]

Bad Driver’s Guardian Angel On Stress Leave

HEAVEN — After enduring several traffic close calls this week due to the horrendous driving of his 25-year-old protectee, guardian angel Passencius filed for stress leave this morning. “Brad Read more […]

Undecorated Adventist Homes Prove Great Disappointment To Trick-Or-Treaters

WORLDWIDE — Children going trick-or-treating this year have reported “great disappointment” with Adventist homes in their neighborhoods. Many of the offending families have not bothered to Read more […]

Loma Linda Announces Degree In Last Chance Courtship

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Loma Linda University has announced a degree in Last Chance Courtship that allows students to do nothing but walk around campus flirting with medical students for four years. Read more […]

Security experts warn Adventists to stop using 1844 for their PIN numbers

SECURITY UPDATE SILVER SPRING, Md. — Security experts at Adventist Risk Management have warned Adventists using 1844 as their PIN number that they are exposing themselves to huge risks. “If Read more […]

Adventists reminded they can never predict how long a sermon will last

WORLDWIDE — This Sabbath, Seventh-day Adventists around the world reminded each other that while it was natural to hope their pastors would end their sermons soon, it was a very bad idea to Read more […]