RED AMERICA – After a longed for mid-term red wave failed to materialize, Republican Adventists have likened the letdown to a “Second Great Disappointment.” “This red ripple is not at all the Read more […]
HEAVEN — After enduring several traffic close calls this week due to the horrendous driving of his 25-year-old protectee, guardian angel Passencius filed for stress leave this morning. “Brad Read more […]
The wealthiest, most powerful nation in the world is reeling from the fatal results of systemic racism. As Americans grieve the latest atrocities, the most segregated institution in the country Read more […]
WORLDWIDE — Children going trick-or-treating this year have reported “great disappointment” with Adventist homes in their neighborhoods. Many of the offending families have not bothered to Read more […]
Tone Deaf, Mich. — Joyful Noise Adventist Church members are at a loss as to what to do with their AV guy, Han Sauver, who has yet to get through a single service without forgetting to advance Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Loma Linda University has announced a degree in Last Chance Courtship that allows students to do nothing but walk around campus flirting with medical students for four years. Read more […]
SECURITY UPDATE SILVER SPRING, Md. — Security experts at Adventist Risk Management have warned Adventists using 1844 as their PIN number that they are exposing themselves to huge risks. “If Read more […]
Silver Spring, Md. — A bulk order of discount blackout drapes was installed in every window of the General Conference offices today. The drapes were fitted carefully to prevent world leaders Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A worldwide study of Adventists has found that 99% of Adventists suffered from permanently fractured funny bones. “The fracture means that Adventists are almost never Read more […]
WORLDWIDE — This Sabbath, Seventh-day Adventists around the world reminded each other that while it was natural to hope their pastors would end their sermons soon, it was a very bad idea to Read more […]
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