Supreme Court To Rule On Whether Loma Linda Is “More Adventist” Than Berrien Springs

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A question that has been burning in the minds of thousands of Adventists for decades may finally be answered this year: Is Loma Linda more Adventist than Berrien Springs?” As Read more […]

Loma Linda University releases tick that makes you vegetarian

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A team of Adventist ultravegetarians, some random hikers and several senior Loma Linda University biologists have successfully engineered a tick that makes those it bites vegetarian. “We Read more […]

Blockbuster Sequel To Feature Barbie Training For Medical Mission at Loma Linda

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Following the roaring success of her summer blockbuster hit, studio bosses promise Barbie will soon back with a whole new adventure of medical mission at the Inland Empire’s Read more […]

Desperate Housewives Of Loma Linda To Debut On Hope Channel

LOMA LINDA, Calif. – In the first Adventist attempt at a reality show, Hope Channel started filming The Desperate Housewives of Loma Linda earlier this week. The all-Adventist cast of the Read more […]

Biden Grills Harris On Pathfinder Pledge & Law Ahead Of Loma Linda Campaign Stop

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Within hours of announcing California Senator Kamala Harris as his running mate, Democratic presidential hopeful Joe Biden cleared his schedule to test his VP on what he Read more […]

Loma Linda Church Greeters Trade Handshakes For Fist Bumps To Fight Coronavirus

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventist churches in the Loma Linda area have taken it upon themselves to set a good example during the coronavirus outbreak. Instead of shaking members’ hands to wish Read more […]

Loma Linda Announces Degree In Last Chance Courtship

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Loma Linda University has announced a degree in Last Chance Courtship that allows students to do nothing but walk around campus flirting with medical students for four years. Read more […]

Life-Saving Grape Surgery Performed at Loma Linda

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A critically injured grape was rushed to Loma Linda University Medical Center this afternoon after a terrible fall from a local kitchen counter. Already dangerously close Read more […]

Loma Linda promotes food pyramid made up entirely of Big Franks

Loma Linda, Calif. — Nutritionists at Loma Linda University claiming to have discovered the ideal human diet have revealed a new recommended food pyramid. Instead of the pyramid consisting Read more […]

Loma Linda University to be fitted with large plastic bubble

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — In the first construction project of its kind anywhere in the world, Loma Linda University administrators have announced that the school and its immediate surroundings will Read more […]