Seminarian’s Song of Solomon Pickup Lines Fail Miserably

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Despite his best efforts, seminarian Ethan Thompson has discovered that employing pickup lines straight out of the Song of Solomon has led to a series of romantic misfires Read more […]

Pioneer Memorial Church Switching Out Sermons for Memes

Berrien Springs, Mich. – Pioneer Memorial Church just dropped the hottest theological take of the year: replacing sermons with dank Christian memes. That’s right, folks. Instead of the usual Read more […]

Supreme Court To Rule On Whether Loma Linda Is “More Adventist” Than Berrien Springs

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A question that has been burning in the minds of thousands of Adventists for decades may finally be answered this year: Is Loma Linda more Adventist than Berrien Springs?” As Read more […]

Andrews University: Watching Animal Planet Counts for Worship Credit

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — In a stunning announcement, Andrews University has revealed that watching Animal Planet now counts for worship credit. The new rule states that students can earn up to Read more […]

Things to Know About Andrews University President-Elect John Wesley Taylor V

Image: Andrew’s University  On March 7, 2023 the Andrews Board of trustees voted John Wesley Taylor V to serve as the seventh president of Andrews University. He will replace Andrea Luxton, Read more […]

Dwight Nelson Takes Over As ‘Jeopardy!’ Host

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. —- Pioneer Memorial Church Senior Pastor Dwight Nelson, confirmed today that he would be taking on a “sideline” as host of ‘Jeopardy!’ Nelson, who will continue Read more […]

Bad Boys Spinoff To Feature Will Smith As Badventist

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Fresh off the release of Bad Boys For Life, Hollywood legend Will Smith has announced a Bad Boys franchise spinoff titled “Badventist.” The film will feature Smith Read more […]

Sam’s Chicken Earns Andrews Cafeteria A Michelin Star

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — In an absolute first for an Adventist institution, the Andrews University cafeteria has been awarded a Michelin star in recognition of its “longstanding dedication to Read more […]

Andrews Seminary Sells Impulse Engagement Rings

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — A vending machine for budget engagement rings has been installed in the front lobby of the seminary at Andrews University. A range of rings can now be purchased in a Read more […]