Supreme Court To Rule On Whether Loma Linda Is “More Adventist” Than Berrien Springs

“Support the BarelyAdventist team by joining our Patreon community or leaving a PayPal tip - it means the world to us.”

Drum roll please
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A question that has been burning in the minds of thousands of Adventists for decades may finally be answered this year: Is Loma Linda more Adventist than Berrien Springs?”

As Adventists themselves have been entirely unable to make up their minds, the United States Supreme Court has offered to rule on the issue, to finally give territorial Adventists some closure.

Residents of both towns have claimed that they are from the “Jerusalem of Adventism” and that the other community should stop pretending to be more Adventist.

Berrien Springs residents have wholeheartedly rejected Loma Linda claims to being more Adventist simply based on the fact that Loma Linda is a blue zone.

Berrien loyalists said they aren’t dying earlier due to a less vegetarian diet but because Michigan’s weather robs people of the will to live.


You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.


(Visited 1,068 times, 1 visits today)


  1. Richard Mills

    Some SDAs would argue that LL&Andrews could be the Sodom&Gomorrah of Adventism. May not take a USSC to determine that. I think my church is much more Adventista than yours! We guard the edges of the Sabbath. 99% are vegan. Small SS attendance. Not much on evangelism. Very big on paying tithe. Show up at church on time during nice weather. Most drive fancy, expensive cars. Don’t care for Camp Meeting. Love those awful tasting pot lucks every week.We like the Pathfinders& drum corps. Very loud music is OK once in awhile. MAGA-make adventism great again in2020.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *