Turkeys Urge Americans Not To Travel For Thanksgiving

  UNITED STATES —— Turkeys across the United States have warned Americans of the extreme dangers of traveling for Thanksgiving this year. “Don’t risk your health or that of your family Read more […]

NAD Sends Far Fewer Pumpkin Pies to GC This Thanksgiving

COLUMBIA, Maryland — The North American Division has sent a far smaller percentage slice of its holiday pumpkin pies to the General Conference Thanksgiving Potluck this year. Despite warnings Read more […]

Adventists tell heartwarming tales of pilgrims sharing Tofurky at first Thanksgiving

Adventists across America are devouring lavish Thanksgiving dinners armed with tales of grateful pilgrims at the very first Thanksgiving, sharing delicious Tofurky roasts with one and all. “Having Read more […]

Gang of nervous turkeys seek gainful employment at General Conference

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A gang of nervous Silver Spring turkeys are hoping to escape the chopping block this year by finding work at the best known vegetarian employer in town: the General Conference Read more […]

La Sierra board shocks with “turkey is not meat” statement

RIVERSIDE, Calif. — La Sierra University’s Board of Trustees released a statement today categorically defining turkey as a non-meat food. The board convened days after the university had Read more […]