Adventist Can’t Lose Weight No Matter How Many Little Debbie’s He Eats

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Local Adventist Caleb Johnson just can’t seem to lose those stubborn last 15 pounds no matter how much he eats Adventist-owned Little Debbie snack cakes, sources confirmed today.

“I don’t get it – I eat a diet full of Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies and Zebra Cakes every day,” said a bewildered Johnson while polishing off a family-sized box of Nutty Buddy wafers. “I substitute Little Debbie Honey Buns for bread at every meal. Little Debbie has been Adventist-run since day 1, how am I not losing weight?”

“Maybe I’m just a tough case because of my genes,” he reasoned after downing a 6-pack of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls. “Time for another lap around the Adventist Book Center I guess.”

At publishing time, Johnson had resolved to double his intake of Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes, which he was certain would finally help him shed those unwanted pounds in time for summer basketball season at camp meeting.


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