Adventist moms are superheros,” said Adventist Lifestyle expert, Paz Ciencia. “They are somehow able to get their kids and husbands to pick up after themselves, flush, eat their veggies and get to church on time week after week — all without so much as breaking a Sabbath sweat.”
Speaking to Adventist reporters, Ciencia made a point of emphasizing how much work it can be to pull off even the simplest of miracles in Adventist families.
“Don’t for one second think that an Adventist family that arrives in coordinated church outfits comes looking that way straight out of the box,” said Ciencia. “It takes frantic Friday afternoon activity to make sure your kids aren’t going to look like a circus act as they walk into Cradle Roll and that your impossibly color-blind husband is carefully coached to avoid Sabbath shirt and tie combos that double as optical illusions.
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Moms make the best Special K loaf. The best Cottage Cheese loaf. All with real dairy, no tofu, no GMO, no fat free, no range free, no cage free, no sugar free-just the real stuff. Thanks MOM! Gimme some more Little Debbies, Please?