Local Church Bachelor Claims He is Too Pretty to Step Down as Greeter

VANITYVILLE, Calif. — Joe Shmugh has notified his local congregation’s nominating committee that there is “no way this side of eternity” he is stepping down from his “vital role” as substitute church greeter.

Shmugh completely freaked out when he received word earlier this week he was being transferred to the church vacuuming team.

The single, 39-year-old millennial immediately came to the conclusion the reassignment was a total waste of his good looks.

“I am too pretty not to be a greeter,” Shmugh emailed  the nominating committee, citing a number of girls he’d allegedly dated in college as references.

The nominating committee responded by attempting to call the references but they either hung up, didn’t know who he was or could not stop laughing long enough to coherently answer.


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