Eligible Adventist Males Declared Endangered Species

FONTAINEBLEU, France — The International Union for Conservation of Nature has made its first human addition to the list of endangered species: eligible Adventist males. The IUCN said that numbers Read more […]

iPhone 14 Updates Your Mother On Your Progress Finding Nice Adventist Date

Good news! Thanks to the wonders of over-priced technology, you mom will no longer need to ask you if you’ve found that special Adventist somebody. The iPhone 14 will simply send her a weekly Read more […]

“Fishing For Men” Single Women’s Ministries Retreat Sells Out

WATFORD, England – A frenzy of activity crashed the servers of the British Union Conference today as tickets for the Single Adventist Women’s Ministries retreat went on sale. The theme for Read more […]

Adventist “Leave Room For The Holy Spirit” Rule Catches On During Coronavirus Outbreak

WORLD — The old school Adventist rule stipulating that people dating each other should “leave room for the Holy Spirit” (keep a healthy distance from each other) has caught on all around the Read more […]

Andrews Seminarian Convinced He Is Predestined For Marriage

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Seasoned Andrews seminarian Amo Reterno, put a brave face on Valentines this year, certain that love was bound to come knocking in time for a pre-graduation engagement. Despite Read more […]

NAD Launches Department Of Adventist Dating

COLUMBIA, Md. — Citing a record number of complaints from single Adventists claiming they have no romantic prospects at their local church, the North American Division recently opened the world’s Read more […]

Loma Linda Blood Test Determines If Couples Are Equally Yoked

BREAKING NEWS LOMA LINDA, Calif. — An interdisciplinary team of researchers at Loma Linda University announced today that they have perfected a blood test that can tell, without a shadow Read more […]

Adventist Church Introduces “Searching Singles Sanctuary Seating”

ADVENTIST WORLD — In an effort to encourage equal yoking, Adventist churches worldwide are introducing Searching Singles Sanctuary Seating. The hope is that like-minded single Adventists will Read more […]

Global “Pray for Hotter Single Men at Church Sabbath” Launched

ADVENTIST WORLD — Next Saturday has been designated Global Pray for Hotter Single Men at Church Sabbath.  The  special designation comes after decades of complaints that single men at church Read more […]