Adventist preacher introductions must clarify whether visiting speaker is single or taken

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist congregations around the world have been ordered to provide what church administrators call a “vital morsel of information” about visiting preachers. Any such Read more […]

Adventist Church launches “PANIC!” dating app for single members over 30

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Church has launched the latest in a succession of dating apps for faithful members. PANIC! is specifically designed for single members aged 30 and above. “There Read more […]

Single Adventist women rate available church males “great disappointment”

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — An international study of the views of single Adventist women on romantic relationships has revealed near unanimous agreement that the quality of available Adventist Read more […]

Dating app alerts you when single Adventists are in church

ADVENTIST WORLD — Saintly Singles, a new dating app for Adventists, promises to take the guess work out of Sabbath morning prospecting. The app will alert single Adventists to the presence Read more […]

Andrews seminarian shakes dust off feet after rejection by latest undergrad crush

Berrien Springs, Mich. — Andrews University seminarian, Kazo Nova walked campus in a daze today after his latest romantic advances were rejected by an undergrad who said she preferred him as Read more […]

Adventist home from college absolutely sick of the gift of singleness

PARADISE, Calif. — Just back from college yesterday, Walla Walla junior engineering major Solo Fide caught up with hometown friends and hoped against all hope that the gift of singleness would Read more […]

Adventist teen prays for boyfriend before the Second Coming

  ST. JOSEPH, Mich.— Espera Tepido has prayed every day for the past year for a nice Adventist boyfriend this side of the Second Coming. The 16-year-old began making the urgent prayer Read more […]

Adventists prohibited from dating within home churches

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an effort to “stem the splintering of Adventism,” church leadership has banned members from dating other members in their home church. “While we love for Adventists Read more […]

Theology major marches around crush seven times to bring her defenses down

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Junior Theology major Nedlan Flanners was seen earlier today somberly marching in circles around an utterly confused girl on the campus of Southern Adventist University. Although Read more […]