Global “Pray for Hotter Single Men at Church Sabbath” Launched

ADVENTIST WORLD — Next Saturday has been designated Global Pray for Hotter Single Men at Church Sabbath.  The  special designation comes after decades of complaints that single men at church Read more […]

Hot new church visitors are answers to everyone’s prayers

ORLANDO, Fla. — Countless prayers were answered this Sabbath morning as a group of hot strangers walked into Lonely Souls church just in time for the meet n’ greet. Thanking God for ending Read more […]

Adventist preacher introductions must clarify whether visiting speaker is single or taken

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist congregations around the world have been ordered to provide what church administrators call a “vital morsel of information” about visiting preachers. Any such Read more […]

Adventist Church launches “PANIC!” dating app for single members over 30

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Church has launched the latest in a succession of dating apps for faithful members. PANIC! is specifically designed for single members aged 30 and above. “There Read more […]

Single Adventist women rate available church males “great disappointment”

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — An international study of the views of single Adventist women on romantic relationships has revealed near unanimous agreement that the quality of available Adventist Read more […]

Dating app alerts you when single Adventists are in church

ADVENTIST WORLD — Saintly Singles, a new dating app for Adventists, promises to take the guess work out of Sabbath morning prospecting. The app will alert single Adventists to the presence Read more […]

Andrews seminarian shakes dust off feet after rejection by latest undergrad crush

Berrien Springs, Mich. — Andrews University seminarian, Kazo Nova walked campus in a daze today after his latest romantic advances were rejected by an undergrad who said she preferred him as Read more […]

Adventist home from college absolutely sick of the gift of singleness

PARADISE, Calif. — Just back from college yesterday, Walla Walla junior engineering major Solo Fide caught up with hometown friends and hoped against all hope that the gift of singleness would Read more […]