Everybody already knew Stripples were good but nobody knew just how good they were for you until today. According to a recent study in the Journal Of Self-Accredited Researchers, scientists with a thing for processed vegan brunches have discovered a direct link between the consumption of Stripples and going to heaven. “The evidence is deliciously clear,” said lead researcher, Samz Tziken. “If wolfed down on a daily basis, Stripples virtually guarantee you will stroll effortlessly through the Pearly Gates.” Tziken said that a massive study of Stripples enthusiasts cross-referenced with mysteriously-procured reservation records for a vegan subdivision in heaven provided “indisputable evidence that Stripples, especially when fried extra crispy, were a personal favorite of St. Peter himself.”
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I know that Stripples will get you to heaven. But heaven will only allow the wonders of real bacon. My guess that in heaven real bacon will be called Stripples, to avoid the Adventist food police.
I want Biblical & SOP references for this new theology on Stripples. What about all the other soy analogs that we SDA’s love to consume?