GC: Adventist Women Must Waterski/Wakeboard in Full-Length Dresses

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In a move anticipating summer water sports, the General Conference has issued a new mandate: all female Adventist waterskiers/wakeboarders must don full-length dresses while participating in the sport.

“After careful consideration and extensive committee meetings,” said Dr. Traditio N. Progress, spokesperson for the GC, “we’ve determined that the most appropriate and modest attire for waterskiing is, indeed, the full-length dress. This decision aligns with our values and ensures that our women maintain a dignified appearance even when engaging in aquatic recreation.”

“I’ve always wanted to try waterskiing, but I never knew how to reconcile it with modesty standards,” said Sister Marina Skirt, a lifelong Adventist. “Now, I can hit the water knowing I’m fully compliant with church guidelines. Plus, it adds an element of challenge to the sport!”

Critics, however, are less enthusiastic. “Waterskiing is already a difficult activity,” said Ms. Dawn Rider, an avid waterskier. “Navigating the waves in a full-length dress? That’s just asking for trouble. I can only imagine the fabric getting tangled in the skis or the boat’s propeller.”

In response to safety concerns, the GC has suggested that women choose dresses made of lightweight, quick-drying materials and avoid styles with excessive frills or layers. “We believe with the right fabric, waterskiing in a full-length dress can be both safe and godly,” added Dr. Progress.

Meanwhile, fashion designers within the Adventist community are seizing the opportunity to create a new line of “Aquatic Modesty Dresses.” These garments promise to blend safety, comfort, and adherence to GC standards, featuring innovative designs like hidden buoyancy aids and reinforced hemlines.

“It’s a niche market, but we’re ready to dive in,” said designer Flo Tilla. “We want our sisters to feel confident and secure as they glide across the water, but let’s all pray those dresses don’t fly up.”

 


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