Biden Calls For Forgiveness Of Southern Adventist University Student Fine Debt

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – US President-Elect Joe Biden has called for immediate congressional action to cancel “crippling Southern Adventist University fine debt.”

The politician said that “no Southern Adventist University student should have to chose between paying down fine debt and the purchase of delicious Little Debby treats.”

Speaking at a press conference, Biden mopped sweat from his forehead as he bemoaned Southern’s fines for everything from vespers skips to the presence of lounge furniture in dorm rooms.

“I’d be fined broke if I went to that school,” said Biden, citing his weakness for over-sized TVs in his bedroom and fish tanks exceeding Southern’s stated size limit of 55 gallons.

 

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