Southern Doubles Fines To Keep Up With Inflation

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. – Student behavior at Southern Adventist University improved drastically this week after news that the school was doubling the price of its fines to keep up with inflation.

Eyewitnesses report attire across the Southern campus  has gotten downright churchy as students do their utmost to keep from getting fined for dress code violations.

“Everyone has become super punctual about curfews and student driving is absolutely perfect,” said Assistant Men’s Dean, Rezzi Dencia, “Nobody can afford to get caught.”

“I wish they’d up the pay on my grounds job by as much as they raised the fines,” said Junior Biology major, Cari Simo. “I’ve been walking around on egg shells since the announcement of the fines increase.”

Student government officers at Southern have started a Worthy Offender fundraising campaign for students that simply cannot pay their fines.


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