BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. – Self-appointed church dress code cop, Hilda Frumper, has handed out a record number of Sabbath attire tickets this month.
Frumper has ticketed members for skirt length, missing ties and ANYTHING denim. With every ticket she issues, Frumper imagines a star being added to her heavenly crown.
Constantly scanning the stream of people entering church each Sabbath, Frumper is acutely aware or younger visitors that she can catch violating her 19th century dress standards.
She loves nothing more than catching someone new completely unaware and pummeling them with her painstakingly thought-through Sabbath clothing commandments.
The only thing that stuns Frumper is that year-by-year there have been less judgable people coming to church. And of those that make it to services, most are, for some strange reason, avoiding her.
On the bright side, Frumper now has her entire pew to herself.