TSA bans “toxic” carob from passenger carry-ons

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It's not gonna fly.
It’s not gonna fly.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has added carob products to it’s ever-expanding list of items banned from flight passenger carry-ons.

Calling carob “demonstrably toxic” and an “immensely disappointing substitute for chocolate”, the TSA warned airline passengers not to include anything made with the product in cabin luggage.

“This isn’t one of those products you can just put a little of in a clear plastic bag and get past airport security,” said TSA spokesperson Sam Sung.

He said that in banning carob TSA officials acknowledged that it had been shortsighted to have waited this long before forbidding a product with such devastating post-use consequences from airline cabins.

Sung said that in the past the TSA had pursued a more lenient policy in regards to carob carriers for one reason:

“We figured that barf bags were readily available on planes so if anyone had a completely natural reaction to a carob chip cookie, help was not far away.”

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  1. Advice

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    1. Destroyed

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  2. Buckykat

    The reactions to this site are almost worth the humor found herein. I’m sure they believe everything The Onion publishes (though some are eerily accurate). Characterizing carob as a “chocolate substitute” deserves to be a capital offense.

  3. Richard mills

    All you dudes, listen up! It’s true. My carob stuff confiscated last November on my way home from Cal. TSA also took my Little Debbie’s until I gave a sample. Complete turn around. I can carry all the L. D I want. How’s that for witnessing?

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