Adventists declare war on Halloween, give carob to trick-or-treaters

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LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventists are preparing to launch their most effective anti-Halloween weapon to date: carob.

Although church leaders have tried a number of approaches in the war on Halloween in years past, members reported that they have done little to deter the persistent flow of trick-or-treaters.

“We’ve tried turning off all the lights, hiding the car and even disconnecting the doorbell, but short of volunteering to lead the Pathfinder vegetarian canned food collection drive, it has been almost impossible not to meet trick-or-treaters,” said Adventist Director of Party Pooping Neggy Nellie.

She expressed optimism that greeting dressed-up children at the door tonight with a bucket of carob treats would keep trick-or-treaters away from her door forever.

“After I served my neighbors carob bars for dessert a few years ago, they have never invited themselves over again,” said Nellie, with a hopeful gleam in her eye.

Special thanks to Jimmy Slough for the story idea

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  1. Vaughn Jennings

    Carob keeps kids from asking for candy, but does not prevent tp in the trees, soap on the windows, or eggs on the front door.

    I suggest buying Hershey candy, then take it with you when you spend the night in a motel. Enjoy the Hershey bars and omit offending trick-or-treaters. It’s a lot more fun.

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