Entire Congregation Has Beasts of Revelation Nightmares After Fiery End Times Sermon

A fiery End Times sermon left an entire congregation grappling with vivid nightmares of apocalyptic proportions this weekend. Pastor Elijah Hartsfield, known for his calm demeanor and thoughtful Read more […]

Local Adventist’s Excuse For Turning Down All Volunteering: “I Don’t Want to be a Martha”

Local Adventist Joe Hashbrown has decided to “take a stand against the patriarchal volunteerism culture that has oppressed church ladies for centuries. “ “I’m just too spiritual for all Read more […]

Local Adventist Prays For Release From Post-Service Conversation With Chatty Member

Local Adventist Matthew Thompson found himself in desperate need of divine intervention this past Sabbath as he became ensnared in a post-service conversation with Sister Edith, the church’s Read more […]

Sleep-Deprived Adventurers Counselor Questions Whether Camp Duties Worth the Millions He’s Being Paid

PINE SPRINGS CAMP – After surviving just one night of a three-night Adventurer camp, local counselor Sam “Soggy” Shepherd is beginning to question whether the millions he’s being paid are Read more […]

Summer Olympics to Include Pathfinder Fancy Drill Marching

Geneva, Switzerland – The International Olympic Committee (IOC) confirmed today that Pathfinder Fancy Drill Marching will be added as an official sport in the upcoming Summer Olympics. The Read more […]

Andrews Communication Dept: In Heaven You’ll Look Like Your Favorite Insta Filter

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich—The Communication Department at Andrews University has confirmed that, upon entering Heaven, everyone will appear as their favorite Instagram filter. “Our extensive Read more […]

Signs You’ve Entered A California Adventist Church

1. The Welcome Committee Hands You a Latte You knew you were in for something different when you were greeted with a smile and a perfectly frothed cappuccino. No Roma here! 2. The Dress Code Read more […]

Congregation Suffers Hearing Loss as Deaconess Insists on Singing Hymns in Piercing Soprano

Sister Amy Whitfield, renowned for her zeal and commitment as a deaconess, led the song service at Balm of Gilead SDA in what can only be described as an operatic soprano that shattered eardrums Read more […]