Helicopter Carrying George R. Knight Diverted To GC Parking Lot

SILVER SPRING, Md. – A helicopter carrying the current administration’s least favorite church historian was diverted to the General Conference parking lot today. George R. Knight had been Read more […]

Pastor With Multiple Churches Can’t Remember Which Sermon He’s Preached Where

DALARNA, Sweden – Pastor Hans Glömmer’s life was thrown into disarray recently when he was transferred to a new territory with four churches. Not only was the Sabbath morning commute killer Read more […]

“Fishing For Men” Single Women’s Ministries Retreat Sells Out

WATFORD, England – A frenzy of activity crashed the servers of the British Union Conference today as tickets for the Single Adventist Women’s Ministries retreat went on sale. The theme for Read more […]

Musk Moves Tesla To Southwestern Adventist University

Keene, Tex. – Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has continued to encourage a California exodus by announcing the relocation of Tesla from Palo Alto to an extension of Southwestern Adventist University’s Read more […]

North German Union Votes To Reignite Penpal Relationship With GC

HANNOVER, Germany – On April 25, members of the North German Union Executive Committee voted to rekindle what, quite frankly, had been a sputtering penpal relationship with the General Conference. Delegates Read more […]

Adventist Oscars To Celebrate Best Sermon PowerPoint Slides

SILVER SPRING, Md. – The General Conference Department of Compliant Creativity has announced the first ever Adventist Oscars ceremony.  “Rather than celebrate anything cinematic, we will Read more […]