Wednesday, April 23, 2025

Liberals

Sneaky Ways Adventists Try to Figure Out If You’re “Liberal” or “Conservative”

We Adventists are a diverse bunch, aren't we? Sometimes, curiosity gets the better of us, and we can't help but wonder where our fellow church members fall on the...

Potluck Miraculously Solves Adventist Differences

SLURP, Mich. — In a groundbreaking study conducted by the Institute of Adventist Quirks and Quibbles (IAQQ), researchers have found that the vast majority...

“Liberated” Congregation Resolves Never To Call Sin By Its Right Name

BREEZE, Calif. --- Members of Grace Fellowship Adventist Church held a formal candle light service last Friday night, vowing publicly never to dampen the...

Literalist Men’s Retreat Ends With Everyone’s Eyes Plucked Out

The "Blind Faith" Men's Retreat ended today with an entirely eye-less crowd of men trying to find their way out of an auditorium. Speakers at...

Liberal Adventist Can’t Find Revelation

Loma Linda, Calif. --- Liberal Adventist, Al Riverside, has spent the last fifteen minutes at his small group meeting hunting for the book of...

Badventists start own denomination

EVERYWHERE --- No longer a made-up name for Adventists Starbucks gold card holders, Badventists have officially started their own denomination. Newly minted members across the...

Freedom-loving Adventist liberal finds traffic laws far too legalistic

PASADENA, Calif. --- Self-professed liberated Seventh-day Adventist and enthusiastic road tripper, Luke Whaurme, can still remember the day when he threw out stodgy religion...