Freedom-loving Adventist liberal finds traffic laws far too legalistic

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chill pill
chill pill
PASADENA, Calif. — Self-professed liberated Seventh-day Adventist and enthusiastic road tripper, Luke Whaurme, can still remember the day when he threw out stodgy religion and all its pedantic stipulations and skipped into the sunny spiritual life he now enjoys. The sense of freedom he embraced after ridding himself of the shackles of dietary rules, beer bans and Saturday wading regulations has permeated everything about his daily routine, right down to his casual disregard for what he has decided are “legalistic” traffic laws.

Dismissing stop signs as “mere suggestions,” Whaurme barely slows down at those “pesky red eyesores” unless he sees cop cars or finds his way directly obstructed by oncoming traffic.

Over a glass or two of Merlot, Whaurme loves nothing more than to lean back in his chair, prop his hands behind his head and regale friends with anecdotes about the futility of speed limits. Just why the California Highway Patrol can’t take a page out of the speed limitless German autobahn is beyond him, he says.

Whaurme said that the only time he has paid attention to the letter of traffic law was when he passed his driving test as a teenager, but that nowadays he is more than content to simply live in the “spirit of traffic law,” showing love to fellow motorists unless they cut him off on the way to work.


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  1. richard mills

    This guy is gonna end up in ditch, overturned, vehicle landing on its roof with the firefighters with their trusty Hurst tools trying desperately to rescue the jerk!. Remember when you were a kid riding a bike and you said, “Look, Ma, No hands”. Now he is lukewarm all over-room temperature. So long, ole buddy. Woe iz me!!

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