Veggie Tales To Tell Uncle Arthur’s Bedtime Stories

UNIVERSAL CITY, Calif — Announcing the discovery of a “treasure trove of amazing material,” Veggie Tales producers are promising a series of new cartoons based on Uncle Arthur’s bedtime Read more […]

Desperate Adventist Prays For Deliverance From All-Night Prayer Meeting

HARD LUCK, Mich. — Half-asleep, Joe Cansadisimo is sending up a desperate prayer for deliverance as his local congregation’s prayer meeting continues to hold strong at 11:34 PM.  T’he Read more […]

Major Donors Confirm It’s Time For New Fundamental Belief

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Major donors to the General Conference have let their appointees know it’s high time they came up with new material for the Adventist creed collection. “It’s been a Read more […]

iPhone 14 Updates Your Mother On Your Progress Finding Nice Adventist Date

Good news! Thanks to the wonders of over-priced technology, you mom will no longer need to ask you if you’ve found that special Adventist somebody. The iPhone 14 will simply send her a weekly Read more […]

Adventist Anti-Drum Lobby Solves Dilemma By Removing Hearing Aids

ADVENTIST WORLD — Anti-drum activists in the Adventist Church have finally decided to lay down their arms and solve the percussion problem that has driven them crazy since the start of the 1990s Read more […]

La Sierra Launches In-N-Out Secret Menu Major

RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Never unwilling to push the boundaries of Adventist higher education, La Sierra University announced In-N-Out Secret Menu Studies as the latest addition to their degree offerings. As Read more […]

Biden Forgives $1M in Unpaid Parking Tickets at Adventist Colleges

UNITED STATES — Adventist college students breathed a collective sigh of relief today as the Biden administration announced unpaid parking tickets incurred at any of the denomination’s college Read more […]

Local Church Bachelor Claims He is Too Pretty to Step Down as Greeter

VANITYVILLE, Calif. — Joe Shmugh has notified his local congregation’s nominating committee that there is “no way this side of eternity” he is stepping down from his “vital role” as Read more […]