GC Executive Committee Letter Of Warning To Biden Over Female VP Commitment

Dear Vice President Biden, We got the news that you are planning on choosing a female running mate. This letter is our warning to you that you are heading down a slippery slope by Read more […]

FAITHFUL: Local Adventist Labels Every CDC Recommendation A Religious Liberty Denial

ADVENTIST WORLD — Local Adventist Bill Miller has spent the last several months on social media in a bold crusade against the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Regardless of what Read more […]

Fundamental Beliefs Back Down To 27 Due To Budget Cuts

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist leaders have decided to condense the steadily-growing number of denominational fundamental beliefs to 27 in response to a push to slash budgets. “We realize Read more […]

Defunded Campus Security Departments Auction Off Whistles

ADVENTIST WORLD — Freshly-defunded campus security departments at Adventist institutions worldwide are holding a joint whistle auction to inject new life into their budgets. The auction Read more […]

Elon Musk To Send Student Missionaries To International Space Station

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Following the news SpaceX has safely brought NASA astronauts to the International Space Station and back, company CEO Elon Musk has announced he will be sending up student Read more […]

Pathfinder Department Bankrupt From All The Jetpack Honor Accident Lawsuits

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: SILVER SPRING, Md. — It is with heavy hearts that we announce the bankruptcy of the Pathfinder Department exactly one week after the unfortunate launch of our latest Read more […]