It all began innocently enough when both Sam and Lily Thompson stumbled into their kitchen and found themselves knee-deep in a festive seven-layered mess of plates and forks left behind by church Read more […]
Silver Spring, Md. – The General Conference has announced a ban on all chocolate products containing coffee or alcohol, effective immediately. To enforce the new policy, the GC has hired a team Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Tired of showing up late to Sabbath School because you refused to start your car on holy time? Fear not, weary Adventist traveler – the General Conference has you covered Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Local Adventist gamer Landon Reese invoked the rarely used “ox in the ditch” clause this past Sabbath to continue working on beating a particularly difficult video game Read more […]
In a misguided attempt to connect with younger churchgoers, Pastor Brock “The Rock” Johnson of Tumbleweed Seventh-day Adventist Church found himself in a precarious situation after trying to emulate Read more […]
Silver Spring, Md. – In a stunning reversal of long-standing policy, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has announced that Adventist universities and colleges may now teach about Read more […]
In a groundbreaking move that has sent shockwaves through the Adventist community, the First Seventh-day Adventist Church of Chargewell has reported record-breaking attendance after installing Read more […]
Pastor John Longwind’s sermon on the virtue of patience was cut short by his increasingly restless congregation at the “Tarry-a-While Seventh-day Adventist Church.” The sermon, aptly titled “Waiting Read more […]
In a bold move following England’s heartbreaking loss to Spain in the Euro 2024 final, Newbold College of Higher Education has announced an addition to its theology curriculum: “THEO 301: Coping Read more […]
Researchers at Loma Linda University’s School of Public Health have unveiled a new vegan substitute so convincing that even die-hard vegans are questioning their life choices. Dr. Mia Plantlover, Read more […]
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