In a move that left members speechless, the GC unveiled a bold new initiative this morning: “Operation Saturation: 28 Fundamentals on a Billion Tapes!” Yes, you read that right. A billion. VHS tapes. Apparently, Read more […]
Pastor Jeb was known for his long-winded baptismal services at the Dry Gulch Adventist Church. Whenever he baptized someone, Jeb liked to add his own personal flair by delivering an extended benediction Read more […]
Forget the same-old Sabbath outfit, BarelyAdventist bros! It’s time to ditch the yawn-inducing threads and embrace something that’ll have you looking sharp and feeling comfortable all service long. Read more […]
In a controversial move aimed at combating disengaged congregants, the Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has instituted a new policy allowing pastors to publicly call out any members Read more […]
Hi there, fellow Adventists! This is Sevvy, the somewhat eccentric but always entertaining founder and main word-slinger of BarelyAdventist. Let’s be real, folks – these days, it seems like Read more […]
Elias Uprighteous, the self-proclaimed guardian of biblical orthodoxy, found himself embroiled in a marital showdown when his wife, Rebecca, dared to question his divine authority to purchase a Read more […]
“Brethren, after much prayer, we have instituted a new fundamental belief: ‘Raffles Are No Longer Gambling if You Call Them “Opportunity Draws,'” announced Ufe Mista, the General Conference Director Read more […]
Pastor John had been reassigned so frequently over his 25 year career that he decided to save money by permanently living out of a U-Haul truck. “I’ve moved 14 times already,” he explained. “The Read more […]
Listen up, fellow BarelyAdventists. Is anyone else tired of the Adventist dating scene? The awkward silences at church functions? The endless stream of well-meaning but clueless setups? Yeah, Read more […]
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Despite his best efforts, seminarian Ethan Thompson has discovered that employing pickup lines straight out of the Song of Solomon has led to a series of romantic misfires Read more […]
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