The Complete Guide to Adventist Extremists

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Every Adventist congregation has at least one member that is super hardcore in some way. In the spirit of spotting and understanding such crusaders, here’s a handy guide to the most common Adventist extremists:

  1. The “Hard-Core Vegetarian”: This Adventist is so committed to the dietary restrictions of the church that they won’t even eat food that was grown in the same field as meat. They also have a tendency to judge others who don’t adhere to their strict dietary rules.
  2. The “Missionary Maniac”: This Adventist is so passionate about spreading the gospel that they will knock on every door in their neighborhood, regardless of whether or not the residents are interested. They also have a tendency to randomly shout “Praise the Lord!” in public places.
  3. The “Sabbath Stickler”: This Adventist takes Sabbath observance to a whole new level, and will not even turn on a light switch or use a modern convenience on the day of rest. They often have a hard time finding anything to do besides read their Bible in the dark.
  4. The “Ellen White Expert”: This Adventist has read every word ever written by the church’s co-founder, Ellen White, and loves to quote her in every conversation. They have a tendency to interpret her writings literally and often use them to justify their extreme beliefs.
  5. The “Raw Vegan Extremist”: This Adventist is so committed to healthful living that they refuse to eat any cooked food. They can often be found eating raw kale and carrots while everyone else is enjoying a potluck.
  6. The “Dress Code Dictator”: This Adventist believes that modesty is of the utmost importance, and will not hesitate to call out anyone who is not dressed according to their strict standards.
  7. The “Sunday Law Survivalist”: This Adventist believes that the end times are here and spends their Sundays stockpiling food and supplies for the coming apocalypse.
  8. The “No TV Allowed”: This Adventist believes that television is the devil’s tool and refuses to own one. They often spend their evenings listening to sermons on cassette tapes.
  9. The “Great Controversy Guru”: This Adventist has read every word of “The Great Controversy” and loves to quote it in every conversation.
  10. The “Adventist Apologist”: This Adventist spends their days defending the church against any perceived attacks, no matter how small or insignificant – even if the critique was actually on point, or actually a compliment.
 
 
 


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