Greek-speaking Widow Leaves 1-Star Review For Early Church Potluck

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Jerusalem – Sister Demetria, a Greek-speaking widow, has sent shockwaves through the early Christian community by leaving a scathing one-star review of a recent church potluck.

In the review posted on the weekly church community news scroll, Sister Demetria minced no words:

“Dear Community Potluck Organizers,

You guys suck.

I mean, seriously, I’ve seen Pharisees more generous than you. You promise a heavenly feast, and what do I get? More disappointment than empty nets after a night of fishing.

Yesterday’s potluck left me with a bitter taste in my mouth, and not just because of the unripe fruit. When’s the last time you guys let the Greek-speaking widows go to the front of the line? We are always dead last.

And that means the fishes in your loaves and fishes casserole seem to multiply unevenly, with the Greek-speaking widows getting the short end of the sardine. It’s as if you’ve divided the Red Sea between us and the favored ones, but you’ve given them the promised land, and we’re left with manna with the texture of sand.

And let’s not even discuss the olives. The left-overs we got were so lacking in zest that even the Dead Sea would taste better. I’ve seen more life in a dried-up vineyard during a drought.

It’s time you Potluck Organizers took a good hard look in the reflecting pool and recognized the need for change. Let the Greek-speaking widows take the helm for once, and maybe we can turn this culinary ship around.

Yours in foodie frustration,
Sister Demetria, the Not-so-holy Food Critic”

Potluck organizers responded apologetically, promising to form a committee to assess the problem.


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